If you look as fat as Nicole Richie does in a bikini, you should really consider killing yourself. Not even gastric bypass surgery can help you now. You’re on a fast track to humiliating yourself on the Jerry Springer show where they’ll remove one of the walls from your house and give you a flatbed ride to the hospital. Really, it would have been a lot easier if you’d just chosen to be skinny and marry a goat instead. Or you could marry Nicole Richie. She looks enough like a goat for you to get your rocks off, you sicko.