Lindsay Lohan is Happy To Be Here

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Okay, here’s the jewelry Who/What Ever & Sons sent me to wear tonight. It’s really great. I love it. It’s really, really great. So is their security guard who they hired to follow me around all night, and who I’ll probably end up fucking later.

I. Hate. You. All. I really do. I mean it. I really hate you. I love your money, but I haaaattteee you.

Family. Yay. M’kay, can we move along now?

What the hell is my mother doing?

Yes, Mom. They’re really impressed by your big, stupid, blinding, Hilary Duff veneers. No, the bangs aren’t hiding your crow’s feet, Suzanne Somers. The joke wasn’t that funny. I’m tired, people. So very tired.