Anna Nicole Smith is Knocked Up

Anna Nicole Smith is reportedly pregnant. Although she’s not dating anyone or married to anyone living, or with one foot in the grave, she allegedly conceived “with the help of a friend.” But the “friend” is now looking to cash in on this. A source told the Daily News,

Anna’s freaking out because she got pregnant by this guy, who’s now saying, ‘I want money and access to the kid.'”

Anna Nicole should have known something was suspicious about this guy when she saw his sperm were shaped like dollar signs. I’m amazed the little guys didn’t die on impact given the fact that this girl is toxic. And not “Toxic” in the Britney Spears, pre-fatass music video sort of way, but the Scarface “her womb is so polluted” sort of way. Anna is always, always, always high. Did I say always? Because I meant ALWAYS. How her uterus didn’t shrivel up and fall out after all these years of chemical dependency is a miracle. It either proves the human body is resilient, or a steady diet of a coke/Lortab/crack/booze cocktail is a fountain of youth. It’s like a UterusBotox … Spa.