Wilmer Valderrama Is Has a Tool

On a day off from cruising high school parking lots in search of the next star struck piece of jailbait to call his girlfriend, Wilmer Valderrama visited the Howard Stern show to brag about the famous girls he’s dated. He said he didn’t take Mandy Moore’s virginity, but they were “each other’s first loves.” He rated Jennifer Love Hewitt an 8 out of 10 in the sack. When Howard asked if he gets these girls because he has a big package, Wilmer said he’s hung at over 8 inches. Wilmer was fairly complimentary of everyone’s favorite anorexic Ginger Kid, Lindsay Lohan, and said she is one of the best girls he’s had in bed.

Wilmer said he’s had anal sex with one of these famous girls, but won’t say who that was. And he wouldn’t admit he had sex with Ashlee Simpson. But I don’t know anyone who would. However, I think it’s safe to assume that she’s the one who opened her back door for Wilmer. She’s young, insecure and an uglier version of her older sister, so she has all the makings of a big whore who’ll go the extra mile for male attention. Me, I do it for awards. Yeah, so they’re just Chuck E. Cheese tokens on shoestrings, but I have a house full of them which is a heck of a lot better than your fancy college degrees, and furniture, and appliances and stuff. So there.

You can read the synopsis of the interview here.

Jenna Jameson pictures for no other reason than they’re not Ashlee Simpson: