Katie Holmes Has Seen the Signs

As a sure sign that Damien’s arrival is imminent, Scientologists were spotted carrying huge posters into Tom Cruise’s Beverly Hills mansion on Monday that read, “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable,” to remind Holmes to be quiet during child birth. Scientology founder and science fiction writer, L. Ron Hubbard, decreed that all mothers must remain as quiet as possible so the child will not be traumatized during labor. Tom tried to defend the Scientology ritual by saying,

There have been misinterpretations that the woman can’t make any noise, and that’s just not true. It’s nutty. No, but just calm and quiet. I want Katie to be as comfortable as possible.”

Except for the scare that David Beckham and I had that one time, I have never been pregnant. So I really have no idea nor do I have any frame of reference of what it’s like to have a human in my body for nine months, knowing that it will eventually have to come out painfully. Just like L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise don’t. So Tom, the next time I drop an anvil on your balls, I’ll do my best to make sure you are as comfortable as possible.

Tom and Katie March 22nd at Connor’s Little League game: