Pissing Off Reese is Bad For Your Health

Todd Wallace, the photographer who got pushy with Reese Witherspoon and some children at a theme park last year, was found dead in his apartment.

Witherspoon and Wallace crossed paths at Disney’s California Adventure in September, where the Golden Globe winner was celebrating her daughter’s sixth birthday. Police said Wallace became enraged when Witherspoon’s group declined to be photographed at close range and shoved a child out of the way, while whacking another with his camera in his efforts to snap shots of the actress.

He pleaded innocent to six charges including battery and child endangerment, but went ahead and died of yet to be determined causes before he had his day in court. It’s always been obvious Reese hates the paparazzi, but I’m starting to think her distaste for them cuts a little deeper than I anticipated. Sure, she’s a good mom and wife. She’s also cute, likeable, talented and bubbly. However, that amount of sugar not only causes cavities, but is usually a sign that something dark and scary lies within. I’m picturing a secret room beneath her house with a bunch of voodoo dolls, shrunken heads, a boiling pot of witches’ brew and Halloween music playing on a continuous loop. Don’t be alarmed by the dartboard with Dakota Fanning’s face on it, though. I have one, too. They’re physician recommended for stress relief.