Lindsay Lohan is reportedly dating Olympic gold medalist Shaun White. Lohan and White were openly affectionate at a New York club, Bungalow 8, on Tuesday and White is already bragging about his conquest. In the past two months, Lohan has been linked with Jared Leto, Ryan Adams, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Benecio Del Toro.
For those of you who don’t know who Shaun White is, he looks like the little sister of the red-headed kid from Harry Potter with an acne problem. This is all the proof you need to know that the government will soon assemble a team of scientists and mercenaries to locate and destroy Lindsay before she manages to find a mate and breed. Because at this point, Lindsay’s vagina is like Hollywood’s own Ellis Island. It’s taking all comers. So when the robots come for her please realize that although she may be gone, the threat is still there.