Jessica Simpson is Jealous

Jessica Simpson is reportedly furious over reports that estranged husband, Nick Lachey, and longtime best friend/personal assistant, CaCee Cobb, were spotted all over each other at L.A. nightclub, Level 3.

The two were all over each other,” says the eyewitness, who knows both Nick and CaCee. “Nick had his arms wrapped around her, and he was kissing her all over the side of her face and neck. Her arms were around him, too.” A second witness at the bash, thrown by Wilmer, confirms the account. “We were watching in total disbelief,” says the witness. “We kept waiting for them to rip each other’s clothes off.”

Based on the ridiculous way CaCee Cobb spells her name, I assume she’s an attention whore who was waiting for her opportunity to pounce on Jessica’s sloppy seconds. If this story is true, Nick Lachey has jumped ahead of me in the “Straight Up Pimp” poll by a slight margin. Banging the best friend out of spite might not be the most endearing way to get your point across, but it’s definitely the most effective. Don’t feel bad for Jessica, though. She can find consolation in the atrophied arms of wispy little metro, Adam Levine. A dude who Nick Lachey could bench press while slapping his penis on CaCee Cobb’s forehead. Look mom, no hands!