Scarlett Johansson Is a Flasher

During last year’s Golden Globes, Usher was flashed by Scarlett Johansson as her dress was being re-sewn in the unisex restrooms. She now wants to apologize for emabarrassing him:

I’m standing there with, like, a dress half split open and a woman on her knees sewing me up. I don’t know what he thought was going on.”

I can’t speak for Usher, but if I only saw Scarlett Johansson’s face and heard her voice, I might’ve thought some dude was getting a hummer in the bathroom. Good thing Usher got a look at the rack. I don’t know if it’s the estrogen shots or what, but those things are pretty spectacular. In all honesty, you have to hand it to Scarlett for not doing the whole cigarette and air diet thing that has emaciated most of young Hollywood. I want a chick I can bang and watch Sportscenter with, not one that makes me question my sexuality. Like the time Charlize Theron asked me out. I mean, she was a sweet girl and all, but I usually like African-American girls with a little more ass on them. What’s that? Well of course I still put her in the chandelier position. What do you think I am, racist?

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Scarlett Doesn’t Want You Staring At Her Tits