Scarlett Johansson Gets Molested

Isaac Mizrahi was on the Red Carpet playing Joan Rivers last night. His overall theme was what I like to call “Plug my ears and scream, ‘La la la la la!!'” while he asked people like Camryn Manheim and Queen Latifah what kind of underwear they’re wearing under their dresses. Thankfully, he finally asked someone I want to see naked, Scarlett Johansson, the same question and she admitted she was wearing nothing under her dress. Mizrahi also took it upon himself to grope Scarlett’s huge jugs right there on live television. I’m going to try very hard to get that gig next year. I’m going to grab Johnny Depp’s crotch and lick his face while I tell him how brilliant he is. Then I’m going to squeeze Salma Hayek’s juicy butt and blame it on Kevin Federline hoping she’ll slap the crap out of him. Then I’m going to scream, “Overrated, Joker faced hack!” at Cameron Diaz and finish the night off by peeing on Tom Cruise. I’m not sure how it’ll work out, but I’m confident my projectile peeing skills will be refined by then. Man, I can’t wait. This is going to be the best night which ends in a jail cell I’ve ever had.

The video of Scarlett’s boob groping is here.

Thanks to Renee for the pictures!

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I Don’t Watch the Golden Globes