Around the World With Brad and Angelina By jenny January 27, 2006

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s globetrotting hasn’t helped shake off the paparazzi. Maybe if they tried to be a lot less attractive and stopped reminding us they have sinful, deviant, hours on end, unprotected, premarital sex by getting pregnant we would leave them alone. Well … then we’d be stuck with another Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and that would be bad. Not as bad as an episode of Gastineau Girls, but pretty damn close.

Brad, Angelina, Zahara, Maddox and Maddox’s love for the paparazzi arriving at LAX:

Angelina in Los Angeles:

Brad and Angelina leaving Claridges Hotel in London on Wednesdsay:

Brad and Angelina leaving the “A New Mindset For the UN” conference in Switzerland yesterday:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s globetrotting hasn’t helped shake off the paparazzi. Maybe if they tried to be a lot less attractive and stopped reminding us they have sinful, deviant,…
Jennifer Aniston Might Write A Book By jenny January 27, 2006

Rumor has it (Ha! Get it?) that Jennifer Aniston kept a diary throughout her marriage to Brad Pitt and plans to turn it into a tell-all book in order to stick it to Brad as payback for his relationship with Angelina Jolie. This may or may not be true since she was quoted recently as saying the following about 2005:

It’s been the best of times and the worst of times. It’s been quite a year, but I wouldn’t change anything or trade it in for anything. I wouldn’t be sitting here and feeling how I’m feeling.”

Chain smoking while watching your Friends box set and your ex-husband’s new girlfriend’s waistline expand thanks to his sperm is a … um … “feeling”. It’s not necessarily one most people would prefer. If I was Jennifer Aniston and had to choose between that feeling and the one you get from dousing yourself with gasoline and lighting yourself on fire, I’d choose the gas and fire. If I lived through it, not only would I not “feel” much of anything since my nerves would be severed, but I could star in a series of horror movies. Hey, sometimes you need to make sacrifices in order to get people to finally watch your crappy movies. Even if it means you end up smelling like a scorched Goodyear tire.

Jennifer at Sundance:

Rumor has it (Ha! Get it?) that Jennifer Aniston kept a diary throughout her marriage to Brad Pitt and plans to turn it into a tell-all book in order to…
Salma Hayek Doesn’t Want To Be Skinny By todd January 27, 2006

Insanely hot actress, Salma Hayek, has spoken out against Hollywood’s obsession with weight, insisting that extreme dieting makes women “bitches”. She says that she will not conform herself to Hollywood standards by working out or starving herself for a role.

I find it very boring to have to be skinny all the time. It bores me and makes me bitchy. And yet in Hollywood it’s okay if you’re a bitch – as long as you’re skinny! “A lot of these girls who spend so much time trying to be skinny – everyone is complaining about them. They don’t make people feel good about themselves.”

I know that masturbation isn’t a topic I normally cover here, but ever since From Dusk Till Dawn, Salma Hayek has been in heavy rotation. Ten years is a long time, and when I pretend to talk to Salma, I know it hurts her to know about Jennifer Love Hewitt and Brooke Burke, but I’m not a “commitment” kind of guy. Sorry Salma, but I’m a wild heart that can’t be broken.

Source: Female First

Insanely hot actress, Salma Hayek, has spoken out against Hollywood’s obsession with weight, insisting that extreme dieting makes women “bitches”. She says that she will not conform herself to Hollywood…
My links are too clickylicious for ya babe By jenny January 26, 2006

Michael Jackson: Man in black [Just Jared] Sienna and Hayden get cozy [Egotastic] Reese gets some help [Popsugar] D List at Sundance [City Rag] Brad Pitt likes his motorcycle jacket…
Kate Moss Is Writing a Book By todd January 26, 2006

Page Six is reporting that Kate Moss has agreed to write her autobiography for Richard Branson’s Virgin Books to tell her side of the scandal that occured when Britain’s Mirror printed photos of her snorting cocaine in a London Studio. Though a release date hasn’t been set, Virgin expects the book to be released this year, with the 32 year old Moss reportedly being offered two million dollars.

Okay, so we know that this book will probably come with pop-up pictures, buttons that play music or say the words that are in the extra big font.

  • Page 1: Me having my picture taken
  • Page 2: Me sniffing cocaine
  • Page 3: Me leaving the country
  • Page 4: Me sniffing more cocaine
  • The End

Moss out celebrating her 32nd birthday on January 21st:

Page Six is reporting that Kate Moss has agreed to write her autobiography for Richard Branson’s Virgin Books to tell her side of the scandal that occured when Britain’s Mirror…
Keifer Sutherland is Always Drunk By todd January 26, 2006

Keifer Sutherland, star of the great 24, shocked employees of the Ye Rustic Inn in California when he entered with a group of rowdy friends demanding to start a tab at 9:00 a.m. Sunday morning. When presented with the bill, Sutherland claimed that his wallet had been stolen and he told the staff, “I promise I’ll come back and pay.” Then, according to witnesses, he proceeded to do a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor. A fan of the actor agreed to buy him several rounds of J&B on the rocks, and after devouring a plate of chicken wings and throwing the bones on the floor, Sutherland left without tipping.

It seems that all you hear lately is “Keifer + alcohol = drunken ass” stories, but it’s tales such as this which make me proud to be an American. Because if an actor can’t get drunk first thing in the morning and bury prostitutes in his backyard, then the terrorists have already won. Some people may argue that I’m pushing my own agenda here, but these freedoms that we take for granted don’t come easy. Some prostitutes have a really hard grip.

Source: Page Six

Keifer Sutherland, star of the great 24, shocked employees of the Ye Rustic Inn in California when he entered with a group of rowdy friends demanding to start a tab…
Uma Thurman Won’t Get Naked Again By todd January 26, 2006

Uma Thurman insists that she will never again appear naked in a film, because her only nude scene on film, in Dangerous Liaisons, was too traumatic. The actress told Britain’s Esquire magazine:

I felt some trepidation going in, but it was an art movie. It was based on this classic novel set in eighteenth-century France, and the scene was appropriate. When ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ came out, the scene was sensationalist in this really creepy, voyeuristic way. It made it seem out of character and it didn’t make sense to me… I certainly didn’t want to become a sensational sex symbol.”

Ummm….okay, so you didn’t. You really didn’t. I may have a higher standard of beauty because I look in the mirror every day, but Uma Thurman looks like Daryl Hannah with Down syndrome. If she does or doesn’t want to get naked is between her and plastic surgeon, but based on what I saw in Kill Bill, if she could throw some socks on that would be great.

Uma on the set of My Super Ex-Girlfriend:

Uma Thurman insists that she will never again appear naked in a film, because her only nude scene on film, in Dangerous Liaisons, was too traumatic. The actress told Britain’s…
NBC Drops Book of Daniel By todd January 25, 2006

Due to poor ratings and public outcry, NBC has pulled the plug on the controversial show Book of Daniel. The main character is Daniel Webster, a drug addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her mid-day martinis. Webster regularly sees and talks with a very unconventional white robed, bearded Jesus. The Webster family is rounded out by a 23 year old homosexual, Republican son, a 16-year-old daughter who is a drug dealer, and a 16 year old adopted son who is having sex with the bishop’s daughter. At the office, his lesbian secretary is sleeping with his sister-in-law.

Anything considered “edgy” and “controversial” will always cause a large majority of society to set themselves on fire in protest when they could have just as easily changed the channel. But damn, the writers laid it on a bit thick didn’t they? I’m surprised they didn’t make the family dog a pre-op transsexual serial killer, or the grandmother a cannibal with lung cancer. If cost of production was an issue, they should have shown a live feed of people taking turns pissing on a bible instead, and saved at least 15% or more.

On the topic of drunk women – here are a sloshed Jessica Simpson and her big, red, collagen injected trout mouth out partying a few nights ago.

Due to poor ratings and public outcry, NBC has pulled the plug on the controversial show Book of Daniel. The main character is Daniel Webster, a drug addicted Episcopal priest…
Jamie Foxx is Not Desperate By todd January 25, 2006

After posing for pictures dry-humping at the Golden Globes, Jamie Foxx and Eva Longoria are denying rumors that they are an item. The pair are insisting they are just friends since they met on the set of his music video. Foxx states that he was only looking after Longoria as a favor to Tony Parker.

I told Tony I would look after her. That’s it.”

Tony Parker may need to hire professionals to walk Eva around with a stick collar every time she goes out. I don’t know if they make muzzles for vaginas or not, but that’s an idea he may want to jot down. Because if Jamie Foxx is the best protection he can find, then he might as well start auditioning his other friends for the gang bang. Foxx may be an okay actor, but if he takes my girlfriend to a funeral I’m checking her inner thighs for bruises the minute she gets home.

After posing for pictures dry-humping at the Golden Globes, Jamie Foxx and Eva Longoria are denying rumors that they are an item. The pair are insisting they are just friends…
Brad and Angelina Are Having a Girl By jenny January 25, 2006

Today’s Brad and Angelina baby news is that their baby is a girl. No, not twins. No, not a boy. Just one girl. Executive editor, Joe Bargmann, of Life & Style Weekly told the National Ledger today that they are set to publish a story disclosing the sex of Brad and Angie’s baby. Bargmann told the National Ledger,

A tip came in from a reader of the magazine that Brad Pitt’s sister Julie (Pitt) Neal was doing a little baby clothes shopping in Springfield, Mo.”

After they received this tip, Life & Style dispatched a reporter to Springfield to investigate. They returned with the following story:

A friend of Brad’s sis Julie spoke with her at a church meeting. The pair spoke about her recent purchases at ‘Jellybeans,’ a children’s clothing boutique in the southern Missouri town. Apparently sis was buying some baby clothes for a girl. And then sis let the news slip: “I’m shopping for Brad’s baby girl,” an insider says Neal told the storeowners of Jellybeans, a children’s clothing boutique in Springfield, Mo., Brad’s hometown. Julie made it very clear that it was not Zahara she was shopping for but rather “for the little girl that Angelina’s going to have.”

Man, those church ladies love to gossip. Sinners. In other news, Brad and Angie left for Zurich today after a quick visit to London. They stayed at a fancy London hotel called “Claridges” on Tuesday night. Angie stayed at the hotel while Brad went out to dinner with Madonna and Guy Ritchie. There’s no word on whether or not they swung by Madame Tussauds wax museum to check out their latest modification of Brad Pitt’s statue, so I’ll just post the pictures of it in case he missed it. The pictures of me french kissing the statue and climbing up to straddle its face aren’t here because that film was confiscated when I was arrested. It turns out the people at Madame Tussauds don’t have the easy going sense of humor I thought they did. Prudes.

Today’s Brad and Angelina baby news is that their baby is a girl. No, not twins. No, not a boy. Just one girl. Executive editor, Joe Bargmann, of Life &…