Nick Lachey Wants A Woman

In a recent interview with Elle magazine Nick Lachey explains, that after three years of marriage to Jessica Simpson, what he is looking for in a potential new woman:

Looks: “Jessica Alba’s beautiful. So is Eva Mendes.”

Number of partners his new woman needs to have prior to meeting him: “I’m all for 10 and under, but, of course, as you get older, that number becomes less realistic.”

On respect of his music(?): “I hope that she’ll at least respect my music. If she didn’t like it, I could live with that.”

From my book of the same name, this only proves my point “that every man wants the exact opposite of what he had before.” In Nick’s case, it happens to be an intelligent, talented brunette. As a man, I can tell you ladies that it doesn’t matter if you get to bang the hottest chick in the world for three years. After listening to her nag incessantly while telling you her stomach hurts because she hasn’t taken a dump in four days, you would pretty much go down on her amputee cousin if it meant you got to hear a new story. Don’t get me wrong, no one wants to give Jessica Simpson an angry indian more than I do, my hand will agree, but there comes a point where you would rather get molested by a polar bear than walk through the front door again. On the other hand, let’s not forget that Nick Lachey is vastly overreaching here. Seriously dude, Jessica Alba? He will never be able to bang a piece of ass like Jessica again. Not unless that girl in the front row of his show at the State Fair hasn’t been discovered yet.

Related entries:
Jessica Simpson is Fake