Mariah Carey is Sloppy

Mariah Carey says she’s an extremely messy eater and prefers to make a pig out of herself in the comfort of her own home.

I’m so excited to get in bed, watch movies and eat. I joke that I need a bib because I’m such a messy eater.” She added: “At a restaurant people are looking at you so when I’m in private I eat like a two-year-old.”

I don’t think I like these visions of Mariah doing her best Cookie Monster impression while snuggled up in her $20,000 sheets and watching Glitter on auto-replay. I doubt the unfortunate souls she pays to stay at her bedside and wipe her off when she’s finished with her gorge fests enjoy it too much, either. Cleaning up a baby when she’s done hand feeding herself applesauce and mashed potatoes and gravy is cute in a way. Doing the same for an able bodied, spoiled adult is just insulting. Somehow being a fluffer on a low budget porn set seems a lot less degrading and disgusting than being one of Mariah Carey’s staffers. If I had to choose between the two, I’d go with fluffer. Or suicide. Whichever comes first.