Eva Longoria Will Give You a Vibrator

In a recent interview with Cosmo, Eva Longoria revealed that she treats all her best gal pals to a nice big vibrator on their birthdays. She feels that all women need to learn how to pleasure themselves, and she isn’t afraid to help them out.

After I spoke openly about vibrators I literally got boxes and boxes of free sex toys sent to me. So I was constantly giving them away. Even before that I’d give them to girlfriends for their birthdays and they’d be so excited.”You get better sex when you know your own body. How can you expect a man to know your body when you don’t know what pleases you?”

Bad acting and overexposure aside, I would bang Eva Longoria retarded. And not in a figurative sense, either. I mean after I’m done with her she would need hospice care. The idea of her passing out vibrators like some sexy magical fairy to a sea of women, is the image that just might help me break my own world record in masturbating. Some say three seconds will be hard to beat, but Eva has faith in me. And quite frankly dear friends, that’s all I need.

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