Eva Longoria Is Waxed and Horny

Eva Longoria couldn’t climax until she had a Brazilian wax.

The ‘Desperate Housewives’ beauty admits she had a lacklustre sex life and struggled to reach orgasm until four years ago – when she had her first Brazilian. She said: “Before, when I had sex I used to think afterwards, ‘Did I? Er… I think so’. I was never really sure.” After having the thorough waxing, the actress says everything changed. She said, “It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me. “The first time I did it after the wax I was like, ‘What’s going on with my body? Oh, my God! Now I’m becoming more orgasmic with age, which is awesome. I can’t wait until I’m 40. If it keeps increasing this way, watch out world!”

Jesus Christ, is sex the only thing Eva Longoria talks about? I’m fully aware this is a 30-year old woman, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she said this in pigtails and a plaid skirt while licking an oversized lollipop. Damn, it must suck to be Tony Parker. It’s bad when you’re a professional athlete and have to snort meth and viagra so your girlfriend won’t lay there rolling her eyes while you’re on top of her. As a licensed vagina whisperer, I can tell you that things like this never turn out good. By the time she’s 40, Tony Parker will be dead. I normally use my sexual powers to fight crime, but I’m doing this for Tony. If I can’t save Tony, at least I can help the rest of us. It’ll be hard for her to find work with those stretch marks around her mouth.

Eva at last night’s Golden Globes: