Star Magazine is claiming that Britney Spears has gained 20 pounds due to reports that husband Kevin Federline cheated on her with porn star Kendra Jade. The claim by the magazine is that Britney was down to 120 pounds in mid November and now she is dressing at a full 140 pounds according to the item. A family friend tells magazine:
It’s like she’s drowning her sorrows in food. She’s turned into a human vacuum cleaner – gobbling down burgers, ice cream, chicken nuggets and Cheetos.”
I remember a time not too long ago when the thought of Britney Spears as a human vacuum cleaner was a good thing. Now, not so much. In relation to a car, 140 pounds isn’t all that heavy, but as far as Britney is concerned, she might as well be Shar Jackson. Sweeping crumbs off your face and spraying Febreeze on the sheets, doesn’t make me ready for sex. It may, in fact, make me watch porn starring Kendra Jade.
Kendra’s MySpace profile is full of annoying self-important bullshit like “I am not sane but I’m not crazy”, “I hate rain”, and “I am not one of those myspacers just trying to collect friends….I have a gazillion friends”. Did you know the actual value of “gazillion” was 267? Me either. Man, I feel like a dumbass.
Here are Britney and some guy breaking down in K-Fed’s Ferrari yesterday: