Paris Hilton is a Critic By jenny December 16, 2005

When not devouring her mates, Paris Hilton is making the world a better place by gracing various nightclubs with her presence. She’s also giving eloquent and impartial reviews of these clubs to the reporters outside. As she was leaving Club LAX last night on her way to Mood for a “holiday party” she told a reporter,

“LAX is the worst club in the world… It’s full of D-list celebrities.”

It has been reported that she and Nicole Richie are trying to be friends again. Richie and that DJ fiance of hers just broke up, and he’s the DJ at Club LAX, so Paris is trying to take down the club by trash talking it. And do I really care about any of this crap? No. But I’m hung up on her definition of “D-list”. These are the people she went to mingle with at Mood after bashing the other club’s patrons:

Her sister and her sister’s furry friend.

Whoever this chick is and her stupid boots.

Jessica Simpson’s friend/assistant/whatever.

This 9 year old.

Rod Stewart’s ugly daughter with that guy from Laguna Beach.

And the whore from The Real World.

Do any of these people even qualify for any “list”? And when did Paris leave the D-list? Gary Coleman is probably C-list at best, but I think even he would be embarrassed to be seen with Paris Hilton. Todd Bridges might sniff some of her coke, but that’s about it.

I can’t take credit for that Paris Hilton/Paris Mantis picture. Sexy reader, Megan, sent that in and made me laugh pretty friggin’ hard. If you’re bored feel free to send me your Paris Hilton (or any other celebrity) Photoshop creations, and I’ll be happy to post them. Here’s some ammo …

Story source: TMZ.com

When not devouring her mates, Paris Hilton is making the world a better place by gracing various nightclubs with her presence. She’s also giving eloquent and impartial reviews of these…
Ashlee Simpson is Collapsing By jenny December 16, 2005

Ashlee Simpson is in a Tokyo hospital after having passed out following a performance on MTV Japan.

The 21-year-old singer on Thursday had just performed her single, “Boyfriend” for MTV Japan, when she told the audience she felt sick and said to them, “I love you guys,” Us Weekly reported Friday. She then collapsed in an elevator and was rushed by ambulance to a hospital. Her representative, Rob Shuter, confirmed the report to The Associated Press, but would not give further details or provide Simpson’s condition.”

The human body has a funny way of rejecting things it doesn’t like, and in Ashlee Simpson’s case, it turns against her when she tries to sing. Either her throat is shutting down, her stomach acid tries to eat her alive or her brain decides to knock her out. She may not be much of a singer or very fun to look at, but at least she has awesome internal organs, for they’re trying really hard to shut her up. So the First Annual IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com Celebrity Internal Organ Achievement Award goes to Ashlee Simpson’s innards. They couldn’t be here today, natch. Accepting on their behalf are Ashlee Simpson’s sunglasses.

Source: CNN

Thanks Nate and Matthew!

Ashlee Simpson is in a Tokyo hospital after having passed out following a performance on MTV Japan. The 21-year-old singer on Thursday had just performed her single, “Boyfriend” for MTV…
I don’t like links in that way By jenny December 15, 2005

Matt Damon enters the tube (The Good Shepherd) [Just Jared] Jenna Jameson can’t get action in Arizona [Hollywood Tuna] Britney Spears honeymoon photos on Ebay [City Rag] Hollywood’s latest bugs…
Rachel McAdams is Nip Slipping By jenny December 15, 2005

Rachel McAdams showed up at the Family Stone premiere wearing a dress which may have been a tad too big for her modest breasts. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make your boobs look bigger, but you may want to make sure your boobs are actually in the dress, Rachel. Also, I wouldn’t say I’m what they call a “Hollywood Style Expert”, but I think I would have known about a long, brown nipple hair trend if there was one. Well, she can rest easy knowing this isn’t half as gross or frightening as the infamous Tara Reid nipple slip which I hear caused many people permanent brain damage and induced night terrors in countless others.

I kept these pictures at the super high resolution size because that’s the only way to appreciate nipple hair. Sorta like having the right wine with dinner. Sorta.

Rachel McAdams showed up at the Family Stone premiere wearing a dress which may have been a tad too big for her modest breasts. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting…
I don’t like links in that way By jenny December 14, 2005

Look, it’s George Clooney [A Socialite's Life] Gisele Bundchen and Kelly Slater in Hawaii [Hollywood Rag] More Gisele Bundchen and Kelly Slater [Here] Tom Hanks cracks the code [Just Jared]…
Catching Up With Cruise By jenny December 14, 2005

As usual, I need to bundle all the recent Tom Cruise stories together and pick a few out of the hundreds to post because there’s just too much crazy when it comes to Cruise. And too much crazy isn’t healthy. I care about your health. I really do. Almost as much as Tom Cruise and the rest of the recruiters from the Church of Scientology.

First, the PR Newswire is reporting that Tom Cruise won the number one spot on the 11th Annual PR Blunders list. Hey, it’s still not an Oscar, but you’re still a winner, Tommy. You’re number 1!

Next, John Travolta’s beard wife, Kelly Preston, is suggesting that Tom and Katie step away from the limelight for a while and go have some alone time. She says,

Their relationship is so new and fresh, and everyone is so interested! They should sneak away and get some peace and quiet.”

Scientologists have the same little secret language that twins and mobsters have. What she’s really saying is, “Everyone is starting to find out how insane we all are and how gay you and my husband are, so if you could please shut the fuck up, that would be great.” “P.S. I hate South Park.”

Last, but certainly not least, is today’s Page Six report on Tom Cruise. He’s attending a fundraiser tonight at Tribeca Rooftop for a Church of Scientology program he co-founded called the New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project which claims it heals the firefighters and rescue workers who inhaled toxic smoke on 9/11. For a measly $6,250 you too can attend, and you even get a picture with Tom Cruise.

…doctors say the “purification rundown” dreamed up by science fiction writer and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard is worthless quackery consisting of sauna sweating, ingestion of cooking oil and large doses of niacin. And the program could even be harmful, because Cruise and company advise everyone to stop taking their prescription medications or using inhalers, just as he criticized Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants to relieve her postpartum depression.”

People are blowing all that money to go spend some brainwash time with Marshall Applewhite reincarnated. I’m not even joking. The similarities between these two are eerie at best. Keep in mind, if you weren’t a rescue worker or firefighter and you breathed toxic 9/11 smoke, the Church of Scientology will still treat you for a small fee of $5,200. Tom, take the money, build a rocket, and shoot yourself and the rest of your crazy cult into space. Do us all a favor and take Paris Hilton with you. I’ll even throw in John Basedow free of charge.

As usual, I need to bundle all the recent Tom Cruise stories together and pick a few out of the hundreds to post because there’s just too much crazy when…
Sienna Miller Can Get You Killed By jenny December 14, 2005

Sienna Miller’s dad, Ed Miller, mentioned during a recent interview that if Jude Law cheated on his daughter again, he’d kill Jude. He said,

He did a lot of hard work, trying to figure out who he was. And I told him if he did anything like that again I’d kill him.”

I don’t know about Sienna, but I’d feel really secure in my relationship knowing the only reason my fiance is faithful is because he doesn’t want my father to murder him. And you know Jude wants to cheat on her every day. He’s probably a little nervous since most of his hair is tangled in the shower drain and he wants to sow his wild oats before he has George Costanza’s hairline. Plus, I don’t see how he couldn’t be embarrassed going out in public with this girl. I swear her stylist is a retired rodeo clown with cataracts in both eyes and an affinity for the absurd.

Source: Bang Media

Related articles:
Sienna Miller and Jude Law are Vocal

Sienna Miller’s dad, Ed Miller, mentioned during a recent interview that if Jude Law cheated on his daughter again, he’d kill Jude. He said, He did a lot of hard…
Quit With the Boots, Already By jenny December 14, 2005

Ladies, can we go ahead and let this boots over the pants trend die now? You’re all wearing them, as are the fashion victims who dress like you. You finally got the hint with the Ugg boots. Well, almost everyone. Jessica Simpson still wears them, but she’s about as dumb and pointless as a broken screen door, so I wouldn’t count on her to catch on too quickly. My point is, this look is just as unflattering as those Uggs and almost as stupid. You’re not motorcycle cops, clam diggers, cowgirls, shit shovelers or storm chasers. So just stop now before it morphs into the 1980′s look with the leg warmers over the stirrup pants and the white pumps. That’s my look, and you can’t have it.

Ladies, can we go ahead and let this boots over the pants trend die now? You’re all wearing them, as are the fashion victims who dress like you. You finally…
Britney Spears is Good at Wasting Money By jenny December 14, 2005

When I was a kid, the boys in the neighborhood would stick baseball cards (or Garbage Pail Kid cards) in the spokes of their bicycles to soup them up so they’d be noisy. I did the same thing with my bike. It’s fun to customize cars too, but it’s downright disrespectful and cruel to do what Kevin Federline did to this poor Ferrari. I may not fit the stereotype, but I’m a tomboy at heart. I’d rather work on the ’69 Camaro RS which is sitting in the garage with its original Hugger Orange paint and waiting for an engine than go to the mall to try on clothes and listen to skinny girls call themselves fat for hours on end. Changing the brake calipers to read “Federline” instead of “Ferrari” is proof that Kevin is the antithesis of the Midas touch. He turns everything he gets his grimy hands on into steaming piles of crap. And, yeah, you read it right. The back of Kevin’s shirt says, “Holla @ Yo Damn Self” which in English translates to “I’m Totally Retarded”.

When I was a kid, the boys in the neighborhood would stick baseball cards (or Garbage Pail Kid cards) in the spokes of their bicycles to soup them up so…
I don’t like links in that way By jenny December 13, 2005

Hayden Christensen’s disgruntled fan [Hollywood Rag] Scarlett Johansson has “Prestige” and a mullett [Egotastic] Heather Locklear is nippy [Hollywood Tuna] Top ten style moments from 2005 [City Rag] Paris wants…