I’d like to thank the blind people at Maxim for reminding me why I haven’t renewed my subscription. For reasons I’ll never understand, they stuck Haylie Duff in January’s issue. I really don’t get why this girl is famous. She was Summer Wheatly in Napoleon Dynamite, but something tells me that character wasn’t a far stretch from her own personality. My little sister has a t-shirt that says “One Duff is Enough” on the front. It’s a funny shirt, but I’m of the opinion that we’re better off without either of the Duffs. If it’s between Secretariat and Chompers, I choose C. And if ‘C’ is death by stoning, that’s fine. It’ll be far less painful than hearing Hilary sing ever again.