Paris Hilton’s idiot boyfriend crashed her Bentley into a parked truck as he tried to speed away from the front of Hollywood’s Element this morning at around 2:30. The guy was also stupid enough to flee the scene after almost mowing down a pedestrian and got pulled over by the police. Also inside the car was Paris Hilton, disgustingly fugly Kim Stewart and another famous for no good reason person, Talan Torriero, from MTV’s Laguna Beach. Talan was overheard admitting he’s “the only sober one” while the police were speaking with them, yet the cops never conducted a field sobriety test and let them drive away.
God, if you’re listening could you please aim some lightning bolts at all of the people mentioned above next time you’re in the mood for a storm? The world will thank you. And this is as good a time as any to ask your forgiveness for violating myself this morning. I’m sorry, I was half asleep and in very little control of my actions. Amen.
Thanks to Bobby for the heads up.