Michael Jackson is the Drug Kingpin of Pop

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If he’s brought to trial and convicted, Michael Jackson faces up to 20 years in prison for trafficking and abusing drugs. The Sun Online has a juicy article about the investigation and allegations which I hope will spawn another infamous and ridiculous standard Jackson “I didn’t do it, everyone is mean to me, boo hoo, poor me” video they all make when they’re in trouble for something they did. Because those are funny.

He is suspected of transporting drugs from California to Bahrain, where he currently lives, and obtaining them with fake prescriptions… The swoop also unearthed the cocaine traces on the singer’s underwear. Residues of the painkiller Demerol and sedative Promethazine were also said to have been on the garments… The Neverland stash allegedly included bottles of Vicodin, Oxycontin, Versed, Promethazime, Xanax and Valium.”

In other Jacko news, Debbie Rowe, the former beard wife of Michael Jackson and the mother of Prince Michael Jr. and Paris recently revealed Michael is not the biological father of the kids. What’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, yeah. DUH! (“O RLY?” works, too.)

She tells the paper: “Michael knows the truth – that he is not the natural father of Prince Michael Jr and Paris. He has to come clean. I have no information whatsoever about the identity of the semen donor for either child as such (semen) was obtained anonymously from a semen bank under an agreement of confidentiality.”

If we could bottle up all of the lies and lunacy which come from the Jackson family it could be one of those things people travel hundreds, even thousands, of miles to see in person. Kinda like Easter Island or the “World’s Largest Ball of Twine”. Michael could even set up a booth out front and try to sell his CDs nobody is buying anymore. But since these people get crazier every day, we’d constantly need to upsize the bottle and that could get costly. Well, it’s a work in progress, and the ideas just keep popping.