Nick and Jessica are finally done

A new issue of US Magazine is on the stands today and they’re reporting that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have finally, officially, this time it’s for real … separated. Most of us knew this was inevitable as soon as Jessica’s father encouraged the couple to sign up for Newlyweds. And anyone who watched that show had to see it coming as soon as Nick started to complain that Jessica never wants to have sex. The guy waited forever to marry and finally de-virginize the girl and then he spent the rest of the marriage begging for at least 30 seconds of her time. Sure, she’s nice to look at in a creepy, looks too much like your father in law way, but in the grand scheme of things all he had was a whiny, vacuous nag who had a great body she wouldn’t let him touch and a dog who crapped all over his house.

Nick, next time get yourself a Real Doll (link NSFW). They always give it up and they won’t spend all your money.

Thanks to his royal hotness, Ryan, for the heads up.

Update: E! Online is reporting, “Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey issuing a joint statement through a rep, denying reports from Us Weekly and Life & Style that the couple has ended their union. “Nick and Jessica have not separated,” the rep said. “Rumors to the contrary are simply not true.” I’m just going to say, where there’s smoke, there’s fire and leave it at that.

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