Katie Holmes is brainwashed

The newest face of Scientology, Katie Holmes, plans to give birth in silence. Science fiction writer and greedy cult leader L. Ron Hubbard was crazier than a shithouse rat, but his obsequious followers abide by his rule that not only are women not allowed to use any sort of painkillers during childbirth, they are also not allowed to scream.

The bizarre ritual – which Scientologists believe should be carried out to prevent children from turning mad – is nothing new to Cruise who insisted the biological mothers of the adopted children he had with Nicole Kidman have their babies in silence, according to a 2001 report in America’s New York Post newspaper.”

John Travolta (another guy who makes millions from being a famous spokesperson for the cult) also insisted his wife, Kelly Preston, follow the same rule when she gave birth to their children. He says,

In Dianetics, you try and keep the delivery room quiet so there’s nothing recorded in the child’s mind that shouldn’t be there while there’s pain going on.”

If it’s not bad enough that these inncocent babies are born to mindless robots who are almost as insane as the Branch Davidians, they’re also subjected to the terribly misguided parenting skills learned from Hubbard’s sci-fi novel parenting class.

Scientologists are encouraged not to comfort or nurture young children because Hubbard believed a child is simply a small adult who can look forward to look after themselves from a young age.”

Igor and I have been in the lab working on our Scientologist Sterilization Ray for quite a while. We planned to have it done before Tom Cruise (allegedly) impregnated anyone, but we were a little late. Thankfully it’s near completion and we’re looking forward to testing it on a real live Scientologist soon. It’s only been used once when I dropped it and it zapped me. I’m still fertile, but I grew two more pairs of breasts. I found a way to reverse it, but I’m growing quite attached to them, so I might keep them around a while.

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Tom and Katie are expecting
Pray for Buffy
Cruise is still mental