Sean Penn is a screwup

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Sean Penn traveled to New Orleans with his entourage, including a personal photographer, in an attempt to act like a rescue worker. It didn’t work, as the boat Penn was piloting sprang a leak after he apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch. Penn was seen wearing what appeared to be a white flak jacket and frantically bailing water out of the sinking vessel with a red plastic cup. The motor also failed to start, and those aboard were forced to paddle down the flooded New Orleans street. Asked what he had hoped to achieve in the waterlogged city, the actor and not qualified rescue worker replied: “Whatever I can do to help.” The locals were unmoved, and one bystander even taunted the actor: “How are you going to get any people in that thing?”

I’m positive that Sean Penn’s heart was filled with care bears and his only desire was to help – why else would you bring your personal photographer – but since he’s an idiot actor with no experience in the physical world, he was of course completely overwhelmed within seconds. It would be like if you stepped into a batting cage and I threw 10,000 balls at you all at once. And also some poisoned throwing stars and a hungry tiger. I actually did more to help than he did just by sitting here and watching the 24 marathon on A&E. At least I didn’t waste a bunch of gas and food and water.