Michael Jackson is going butch

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Michael Jackson is undergoing a major change in his appearance as he hides away in Bahrain and tries to re-launch his career. Jackson, who is now 47, is working on a more masculine appearance and has begun a regimen of working out, wearing shorter wigs and using less make-up.

A source tells Page Six that Jackson’s parents are coordinating the make-over as he holds talks with a Vegas casino over a long-term performing deal. The source says, “Michael Jackson is headed to the stratosphere. Nothing can stop him now.”

Um, okay, very obviously, there are about a billion things that could stop Michael Jackson. Or however how many young boys there are in the world. He can masturbate to the Wiggles work-out video all he wants, any firm 12 year old could still break his legs and his heart. And – I don’t know why I’m even bothering to say this – but shorter wigs and less makeup aren’t going to make you look like Triple H. In fact, when you’re a pedophile, it just looks like you’re putting on a new disguise.