George Clooney’s pimp hand is strong

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Infamous Hollywood bachelor George Clooney has a new girlfriend just three months after he and Lisa Snowdon split. He and an Italian heiress named Gianna Elvira Cantatore met through some mutual friends, and the day after their first date Gianna sent George a bouquet of white daisies. Clooney’s looks and bank account can’t be the only reasons these women allow themselves to fall in love with a guy like him and I doubt he has any sort of magic techniques I haven’t already learned from my vast collection of porn. He’s happy to tell anyone who’ll listen that he refuses to get married ever again, but women continue to set themselves up for heartache. All of you guys out there who are having a hard time scoring chicks may want to use George’s pick-up line which is something like, “I’m going to hump you and dump you.” Keep in mind that it’s a line which is best used while you’re wearing a tuxedo and clutching the original scripts from your year as a co-star on The Facts of Life because it works on me every time.