Britney Spears has not given birth

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Despite rampant tabloid reports to the contrary, Britney Spears has assured the world she hasn’t had her baby yet. Her spokesman said:

Britney Spears has not given birth. She’s not even in hospital. The baby is due some time in the next month.”

Maternity wards may or may not usually come with cannons, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, but hopefully Britney’s will, cause the best thing for the baby would be to just fire the kid out of the cannon right after delivery. Maybe spin the cannon around a few times to make it seem like a game show. Or get one of those giant slingshots my fraternity used to used to shoot potatoes. Wherever the baby lands, it will be better off. A similar approach was taken with Moses, and we still talk about him. Baby Moses was about to have his throat slit by command of the pharaoh, whereas baby Preston is about to be raised by Kevin Federline. Which one is worse, I’ll let you decide.