Britney Spears is making sure to include the rituals of her new religion in the birth of her child, who is due any day now. She credits Kabbalah with turning her life around and now wants the religions birth ceremonies followed to the letter. This includes Kevin Federline reading aloud from the Zohar – the Kabbalah Holy Book – which is written in ancient Hebrew. He will have to chant a prayer known as “Ana B’Koach,” and the “42-letter name of God.”
Is it really the greatest idea in the world to have Kevin Federline standing over a newborn reading spells in a language he doesn’t understand. I don’t know what “Umm, like … Melchizedek … and all” does to ancient prayers, but odds are, from that point on, Britney will just have an endless line of colorful scarves coming out of her vagina. Delivery rooms aren’t exactly serene meadows of happiness, the only sound being the unicorns as they frolic. It’s nothing but chaos and yelling and screaming, and this retard is expected to read Hebrew. The dude is naming his son London Preston; two syllable words that rhyme, you really think he’s ready for the 42 letter name of God. By their own admission, neither one of them understands this crap, one wrong word could turn the kid into a rabbit or flock of doves for all they know.
Oh but hey, don’t let me stand in the way of your totally legit religion that charges 26 dollars for 6 inches of magic string. You kids have fun with your rabbit.