Charlize Theron received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. It doesn’t take much to get discovered in Hollywood. Charlize’s “acting talents” were discovered when she was caught losing her cool in a bank and screaming at a cashier who refused to cash a check.
I went to a bank on Hollywood Boulevard to cash a cheque my mother had sent me. A clerk refused it and I just went nuts. After the shouting was over, a man handed me his business card and told me to get in touch. I thought he was just another guy full of bulls**t but he turned out to be a genuine talent manager called John Crosby.”
Up until now, I didn’t know behaving like an ass in public and throwing fits when you don’t get your way is what talent agents consider good acting skills, but John Crosby’s penis seems to think this is the case.
It’s good to see Jessica Biel walks a dog who looks like he’d eat a Bijon Frise for lunch. He’s bound to fill up quickly since there’s an endless buffet of those damn dogs in Hollywood and they’re usually dressed in little coats, hats and booties. Jessica’s dog’s accessories are a leash, poop bag and a hot starlet in a skin tight tank top which should be enough to keep him fashionable.
Here are more recent blurry pictures taken from deep space of Spears and Federline and what’s either their new baby or Britney’s stash of pork rinds and Meister Brau. Kevin is morphing into a male pseudo-gangster version of his wife with the midriff wife beater and ponytail-bun-thing, and judging by the loose flesh hanging over his underwear, I’m thinking Kevin’s the one who recently gave birth.
If you missed the episode of Family Guy in which Peter reflects upon his former job as “Kevin Federline’s Magic Mirror”, fear not because Gorilla Mask has that clip here.
Singer/rapper/producer, Pharrell Williams, of N.E.R.D. and The Neptunes fame says he’s ready to marry the girl he’s been dating.
It’s close, man. It’s really close. There’s definitely a girl that I love… She hears my whispers. She knows my dreams and she knows my heart.”
“She hears my whispers”? “She knows my dreams”? That’s the best he could come up with to sell this girl? He’s a creative and talented guy, so you’d think he’d come up with one of those confessions of love that cause women to elbow their men in the ribs and say, “Why can’t you be more like Pharrell?” Instead, all he could muster up were compliments which were about as romantic as, “She knows the alphabet and she has all of her teeth.”
I don’t think I really care about Pharrell’s love life. I don’t know who this girl is and I’m not entirely sure Pharrell does either. I just wanted an excuse to post his big fan of Kid ‘N Play, watched House Party too many times high school yearbook picture.
Female First and various other sources are reporting that “Lindsay Lohan is set to bare all for an upcoming Vanity Fair cover. (Lohan), who has been the subject of weight loss shock stories in the US media for the past year, is keen to show off her healthy figure … and she shot the top secret cover photo on a beach in Malibu, California last week”. A source says:
“It was Paris Hilton’s recent Vanity Fair cover, where she’s topless and covering her breasts with her arms, that inspired Lindsay to push the envelope even further.”
No one actually thinks that “Lindsay Lohan is posing naked” actually means “Lindsay Lohan is posing naked”, do they? Cause if you do … um … how can I put this … youre kinda dumb. I’ve seen Vanity Fair on several occasions, and I can’t remember a whole lot of full frontal nudity. I do remember Nic Cage having sex with a turtle, but some would argue that I drew that on with a Sharpie. Although, in hindsight, if Lindsay poses naked – maybe something involving water – no one will notice when she pees on herself.
CityRag has a photo collage of Carmen Electra’s ever-changing looks.
HollywoodTuna has pictures of Victoria Silvstedt in a little, white bikini and this picture of Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt arguing over who has the biggest rack:
Dave’s Daily has a bunch of photos of celebrities as kids. Be sure not to miss Eminem, Marilyn Manson and an almost unrecognizable Angelina Jolie on the third page.
Egotastic! has video and pictures of Anne Hathaway’s nude scene in Havoc. – Thanks, Phil.
I boycotted the 5th Annual Taurus World Stunt Awards because I wasn’t nominated for “Most Graceful Falls Down Stairs While Drunk And Wearing Stilettos”. I’m not even sure that category exists, and to be honest, I wasn’t actually drunk every time it happened. However, I did manage to make it look sexy and made it through without any critical injuries. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s on surveillance video at several local Vegas casinos, so I think I’ve done enough at this point to qualify for my SAG card.
Unfortunately I didn’t have the chance to brush up against Rose McGowan who was her usual hot, vixen self. I decided to throw in that third one because she looks like she’s getting ready to sing I’ma Little Teapot for the photogs which will hopefully be the only time these guys will be aroused while hearing that song.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was there, as was a fire breathing dragon with an aversion to handsome wrestlers.
It looks like Rosario Dawson was shopping at Home Depot and decided a green contractor clean up bag would be perfect for the awards show. There’s her boyfriend, Jason Lewis from Sex and the City, doing a very good job of stealing the attention from her trash bag couture.
These pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on their motorcycles in Edmonton have been out a few days now, and we would have put them up sooner, but I was waiting for something other than crappy lo-res and they’re not exactly noteworthy, except for the bunny rabbit snuggling a baby duck cuteness level. But cute gets cuter when you realize that Angelina’s jacket looks kind of big. That’s because it’s a man’s jacket. The BMW Rallye2 textile suit to be specific. Brad’s BMW Rallye2 textile suit, to be smart-ass specific. And if you’re in the flat-earth society and think this is all some tight-pantsed treachery, Splash has the video from their little expedition. Suck on that naysayers.
Jessica Alba recently admitted her breasts were digitally enhanced in the Into The Blue and Fantastic Four movie posters. Alba said,
They enhanced my chest a little bit. They always do it. And in the poster for ‘Fantastic Four’ – they did it big time!”
I didn’t think she’d need much enhancing since she’s about as naturally flawless and well proportioned as it gets. She’s practically impossible to cut up unless you believe Awful Plastic Surgery’s theory that Jessica already enhanced her own boobies. Even if that’s the case, what can I use to make fun of her? Saying she bought herself a decent sized pair of implants and picked a great surgeon to do it (unlike Tara Reid (nsfw)) isn’t really much of an insult. She was cool enough to admit the movie posters are a lie, she dates a normal guy, who up until everyone found out he was copulating with Jessica Alba, wasn’t famous and she probably kisses other girls even when she’s sober. So I’m just going to say that according to the pictures below she’s butt-picker, and … uggh … I give up. The girl’s butt is so nice she can’t even keep her own hands off of the thing.
Evangeline Lilly admits she once urinated in a parking lot trash can after being dared to do it by her co-stars Matthew Fox, Jorge Garcia and Dominic Monaghan.
“One night, we had all gone bowling. Most people left, so it was myself, Matthew, Jorge and Dominic – three goofy, out-there guys. So we’re in the middle of a parking lot in Kailua, daring each other to do things. Jorge turns to me and says, ‘I’ll give you twenty dollars if you pee in that garbage can.’ Thirty seconds later, I’ve got my pants down and my bum hanging into this garbage can, and he has to give me twenty dollars. I don’t have a lot of inhibition.”
Man, what a coincidence! Because “hot chicks who will do demeaning things for very little money” is exactly what I typed into my eHarmony personality profile under “searching for”. Wow. I expected good results of course – Dawn and Todd have been married over a year! – but I wasn’t expecting a young Hollywood starlet. The website says we should find a common interest on a first date, and while it might be a little different, hey, they’re the experts, so rinse that before you eat it Homeless Guy, cause I’m in the mood for love and I just shotgunned a 2 liter of Coke to prove it.