Tommy Lee is unstoppable

I still haven’t given up my childhood dream jobs of Playboy photographer, ice cream taster or outer space pirate, but I might add “rock drummer” to that list too. Because apparently, no matter how many times you do lines of coke off the tits of a model you’ve just punched out, you still have a shot at hotties like Eva Longoria. This summary, courtesy of Mark over on Hotel Chatter:

Last week, while Eva Longoria was in New York taping a Conan appearance, she stayed at the Ritz Carlton New York, Central Park. Tommy Lee was also a guest on the very same Conan show, and somehow worked his tattoo magic to not only lick Eva’s face on air, but also get himself invited back to her hotel room to party … with other guests … we hope. According to reports, Tommy didn’t leave until 3:30am, which is when the party ended … we are sure.

It’s fun to pretend that Eva Longoria isn’t dumb enough to bang Tommy Lee, but that dude’s penis is like a pit bull with a biting problem, and it’s been on an unstoppable rampage for 20 years now. It may be overly optimistic to think Eva could stop it. Especially since his penis is about three inches taller than Eva, and outweighs her by at least 20 pounds. It would be like a tree limb fell on her, her arms and legs sexily flailing around under the weight, pinned beneath it, reaching for anything solid to pull herself free.

So wear black today, I guess is what I’m saying.

Images removed per request.