Keanu Reeves is gross

Contact Music is reporting that Keanu Reeves has dumped 28 year old girlfriend (some say wife) Lynn Collins to rekindle a romance with 59 year old Dianne Keaton. Keaton and Reeves, 40, met and were linked romantically while the two filmed Somethings Gotta Give, before Reeves met Collins.

Historians may remember me as cruel, but I can’t even begin to understand what kind of doofus would dump Lynn Collins – who kind of looks like Evangeline Lily – to have sex with Dianne Keaton – who kind of looks like Tickle Me Elmo. Pulling apart Dianne Keaton’s legs to have sex with her would look like pulling apart a Monte Cristo Sandwich to have sex with that. And I like sandwiches and all, but … ummm … no thank you.