Just so you know, if you’re ever Jessica Simpson’s Secret Santa, don’t bother getting her a pair of white silk panties with flowers on them. Cause she’s already got those. Oh, and also, she doesn’t need a gift certificate for a Brazilian wax either. She’s good there too. But don’t get discouraged, cause being Jessica Simpson’s Secret Santa is a lot harder than most people would ever imagine. Last year I just ended up getting her a figurine of Jesus playing soccer with some kids. She said she really liked it, but now I think she was just being polite, cause I never see it when I go over there.