JeLo craves attention, Tara is drunk, the Dukes get killed

Jennifer Lopez loves attention: “Jennifer Lopez thoroughly enjoyed her turbulent love-life before marrying third husband Marc Anthony – and is thrilled by the public’s fascination with it.”

It has to make you pretty jittery to be the fourth guy who has been engaged to your 36 year old wife. Like a dog from the pound who flinches every time you stretch to yawn. I swear to Christ sometimes I feel like Rowdy Roddy Piper in the movie They Live and I’m the only one with the special sunglasses that will let me see who the aliens among us are. I can’t imagine what makes up a Jennifer Lopez fan. If you know someone who can’t see her for the genuinely mean bitch she is, throw a glass of water on them and see what happens. From what movies have led me to believe, aliens fucking hate that. And if they are human, well, you’ve just started yourself a wet T-Shirt contest, my friend.

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Tommy Lee says Tara Reid can out-party him: “Tommy claims Tara Reid has taken his wild partying crown. (Lee) claims Tara is the only woman who can drink him under the table. He revealed to Glamour magazine: ‘She’s out of her mind. She’s crazy.'”

This is like Hitler saying, “yeah, but Nero, now that dude was off the fuckin hook!”

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Dukes of Hazzard movie gets ripped: “There’s a legitimate philosophical argument about whether the world really needs a “The Dukes of Hazzard” movie, but assuming that someone was determined to remake this mediocre but iconic TV show, this is probably as good as it’s going to get.”

And that’s pretty much the nicest thing anyone said about it. Look at the pictures below for a complete wrap-up of the plot.

note – if anyone noticed that I changed the name of the Rowdy Roddy movie from Them to They Live, it’s because once again the readers are smarter than I am.