Since the dawn of time, man has longed to know what would happen if a gay guy and a Cabbage Patch Kid had sex. And now we may finally find out, since the rumor is that Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst may be expecting. This from Contact Music:
Kirsten Dunst has sparked speculation she’s pregnant, after she was photographed with her on-off beau Jake Gyllenhall looking at prenatal vitamins. Dunst, 23, was seen studying a box of New Chapter Organics Perfect Prenatal dietary supplements at Hollywood’s Whole Foods market on (August 13) According to In Touch Weekly, Gyllenhaal contributed to the effort by grilling an employee for more information about the product.”
I can only describe this story with one word: sheer unadulterated terror. The rumor has always been that Jake is gay, and since dating a boy would be murder on his career, I guess dating a girl who looks like a boy is the next best thing. Although personally I would only have sex with Dunst if the first eleventy thousand options didn’t work out. She’s about 10 spots beneath a wolverine and a mummy preserved with sawdust and horsehair.
The pictures below are the only ones I could find of the outing at Whole Foods. And this proves nothing, but this is what the box of Perfect Prenatal looks like. Very close to what she is holding in the pic. Granted, everything from New Chapter Organics has that same purple box, so she may just be looking for something to finally address her scoliosis and scurvy.