“Kate Bosworth has reportedly fallen back into the arms of her Australian model lover following Orlando Bloom’s return to the UK,” says IMDb. “Bloom was photographed cuddling up to heart-broken actress Sienna Miller on Sunday following her split from Jude Law – and it appears Bosworth has rekindled her romance with Lundi Shackleton … an assistant to director Bryan Singer.”
I wrote “lover” because the article says “lover”, which makes him sound like he picks her up in a horse drawn carriage and puts her in a velvet blindfold to eat strawberries. So between this homo and the last little weenie, my manly sexual powers may freak her out a little. I’ll try and tone it down, but when she sees me working with the abused horses, oiled up with my shirt off in faded chaps and a weathered cowboy hat, her intense feelings of primal lust may be confusing. My approach is gonna be to ignore her, and explain that I’m running from my past … and I’m sorry Kate, but I just cant talk about it. I know you just want to help, but I’m not ready to open up, just leave me alone. And then I’ll shed a single tear, and scream “Don’t look at me!”
I’m almost positive that will work.