George Clooney is back with Krista Allen

Devastating news coming in from Female First UK:

George Clooney has reportedly rekindled his romance with a porn star – just weeks after splitting from ex-girlfriend Lisa Snowdon. The Hollywood heavyweight has been spotted kissing sexy Krista Allen – who is famous for her saucy antics in the steamy ‘Emmanuelle’ films – at his Lake Como home in Italy. The source is quoted by Britain’s The People newspaper as saying: “They looked very close, just like a married couple”.

First of all, let me just take offense to these bastards calling my inamorata a “porn star”. No one wants to see Krista Allen have hard core sex more than I do – that’s why I built my Krista Allen robot, the only robot to feature the “handjob of tomorrow” – but calling her “Emmanuelle” movies porn is like calling Kirsten Dunst “sorta ugly”. The idea is clearly insane. Kirsten Dunst pictures are used to ward off lions in Africa, and “Emmanuelle” movies are a hard R at best. I only barely know what the hell I’m talking about right now because I’m overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. Mostly hate. George Clooney seems like a decent enough guy, but Krista Allen is so insanely hot, I heard that when she walks down the street, people actually die.