Diaz is a tramp, Hurley is a man, Brad is in the ER

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~ Cameron Diaz is expected to be a star witness this week in the trial of a photographer she accused of trying to “steal” kinky topless photos she posed for before she became famous. Good job Cameron! Fight to keep those pictures sealed! Maybe you can also sue Superman and force him to fly backwards and turn back time, all the way to 2001, to a time before the very NSFW video from that photoshoot hit the internet. I’m almost positive that will totally work.

Update: Eh, what the hell. Here are a few of those topless photos just for good measure.

CD 1 ; CD 2 ; CD 3

~ My ass doesn’t mean to brag or anything, but it’s pretty spectacular. I’m often called an American Elizabeth Hurley. An American Elizabeth Hurley after Dermabrasion. An American Elizabeth Hurley after Dermabrasion who doesn’t get patted on the head cause she’s a foot and a half tall. An American Elizabeth Hurley after Dermabrasion who doesn’t get patted on the head and didn’t used to be a man. Yeah, you would not believe how often I get that.

~ Brad Pitt is in the hospital. It’s probably safe to assume he fucked Angelina Jolie until his penis collapsed or his heart exploded. And that actually seems pretty reasonable.