Michael Jackson is homeless

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From the National Enquirer : “Michael Jackson has secretly sold his Neverland Ranch for $35 million, The National Enquirer can reveal. The scandal-plagued superstar is so wracked by financial troubles he can no longer afford to keep his trademark fantasy estate in Los Olivos, near Santa Barbara, California.”

Molesting kids must cost a fortune, cause Jackson got 95 million from Sony Music just 10 years ago, and he seemed to have enough to pay 47.5 million for the Beatles catalog in 1985, but according to this report he still owes 16 million on the house. Crushing a roofie and stirring it into applesauce seems fairly economical, so kid-sized blond wigs and Lil’ Wrangler bondage saddles must cost more than I thought, but then I’ve been kinda negligent in pricing those lately. I have this cute tradition where I don’t destroy little kids lives. I’m charmingly old-fashioned that way. Unlike Bob Saget, who’s a total perv.