Ashton Kutcher is too fast

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From British Glamour: “Demi Moore is going to be in big trouble with Ashton Kutcher after she privately confessed she finds him a little “fast” in bed…”

God invented the word MILF because of Demi Moore, so Ashton Kutcher has no excuse to not have week long sex with her. Or maybe he really does need Viagra. Or maybe he’s just a dandy who would rather snuggle at a picnic, but he can do that when I’m done acting out that sexy cat-burglar fantasy I keep having about her. I know her breasts aren’t real, and I know I couldn’t care less. They’re real on the outside, and that’s really the only part I’m involved with. I was just kinda hoping to have sex with her, not do an autopsy.