Mark Wahlberg is a tough guy

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From IMDb: “Mark Wahlberg has slammed Eminem, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck for giving a false impression of tough, impoverished childhoods in their music and films. The 33-year-old actor complains, “My childhood wasn’t like some 8 Mile bulls**t where you go and have a rap-off. Or like West Side Story, where you all start dancing and s**t. If I make a film about my upbringing it’s going to be about more than a f**king kid doing math, like in Good Will Hunting, you know what I mean?”

Mark Wahlberg is right, every single movie should be a brutally honest look at his life growing up in suburban Boston. Poor people aren’t good at math, and fuck you if you try to convince me they are. Even musical theatre based on Romeo and Juliet should show gang initiation rapes and crime sprees, not big elaborate numbers where people “start dancing and shit.” Cause that’s not life on the street. That’s not the hell Markie went through. He was even forced to “command you to dance,” cause on the street, you take command or you die. On the dance floor apparently. And gangs don’t have generic names like ‘the Jets’. In the real world, ‘gangs’ have fear-inspiring names like ‘the Funky Bunch’. And the only way out of hell is to be harder than all the rest. Or model underwear.

That’s why all of Markie’s movies are just like his real life, like when he used to put on a fake dick and jack off in front of gay guys for 5 dollars. Or the time he flew to a planet ruled by big giant monkeys. That’s keepin it real yo.