Several outlets are reporting this morning that Wonder Woman is on the fast track to become a major motion picture under the eye of television vet Joss Whedon, creator of both ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ and its spin-off ‘Angel’. Whedon is a great great writer, his dialogue is among the best you’ll find anywhere, but I have my doubts about a Wonder Woman movie.
She didn’t really have any powers, except giant breasts and a halter top, but if that were so great the Hooters in Santa Monica would be the new Justice League. And there was her golden lasso, which usually just ended up as a necklace around some monsters neck as it stomped away, completely unaware someone was trying to capture it, and then Wonder Woman would explain to Batman how the monster couldn’t be stopped. At least not by a 90 pound girl doing rodeo tricks. And then she’d ask to borrow a lasso. It could also make you tell the truth, but all those bad guys were more than happy to tell you their plans anyway, so I’m not really sure why that was so great.
No word on casting yet. For years it was meant as a project for Sandra Bullock but her time seems to have passed. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Charisma Carpenter are the two names that come up most often, but mainly only due to their Whedon connection.
I’d actually be all for a Wonder Woman movie if it were faithful to the comic. And by that I mean this one comic, the one below. Where Wonder Woman is into bondage and being filmed and her hands are, uhh, “suggestive” to say the least. So there you have it studio execs, make a Wonder Woman movie with bondage and hardcore sex and Charisma Carpenter, and you’ll make eleventy billion dollars. And that’s a lot.
note – I threw up that second picture kinda late, but the studio has my blessing to make a movie like that too, where she’s bound and phallic things fly at her and she arcs her back and pushes the limits of her thong and she has long blue hair like my grandmother. Wait … oh God …