Sarah Jessica Parker is a bitch

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Sarah Jessica Parker was replaced this week by Joss Stone as the Gap spokesperson, and this is the quote that came out of SJP’s camp:

“Joss is not only a teenager, she’s also a virtual unknown. Had her replacement been a big star, perhaps Sarah wouldn’t have minded so much.”

I’ve never punched a woman, but that’s probably because I’ve never met Sarah Jessica Parker. And that quote is a glimpse into why. God she’s awful, with her confusingly high self worth and endlessly annoying sanctimony. I don’t know who Joss Stone is and frankly I don’t care, I’m positive she’s less annoying that Sarah Jessica Parker. The new commercial could be Joss riding a T-Rex that comes to my house and stomps me in the balls and I’d still prefer it to anything with Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, keep telling me she’s uniquely beautiful … she’s not. She’s genuinely ugly. Bear-repellent ugly.

update – Alright, a quick search later and it turns out that Joss Stone is a 17 year old soul singer who gets compared to Janis Joplin a lot. I’m not sure when that became flattering, but, hey, whatever. You could dig up the real Janis Joplin, put her in some khakis and dance her around in a Gap ad, it’d still be less nauseating that Sarah Jessica telling me how much everyone loves her.