Matthew Perry loves drugs

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The National Enquirer is reporting that “Matthew Perry was admitted under a false name to Los Angeles’ UCLA hospital after a horrific adverse reaction to prescription drugs on Wednesday.”

I know the article says “prescription drugs”, but you need to know that in Hollywood, “prescription drugs” is an acceptable alternate spelling for “black tar heroin.” Which probably explains why Matthew Perry now looks like someone in a rubber Matthew Perry Halloween mask. And yes, I do have room to talk. It’s well documented that my beauty has healing powers.

And for all the young people out there who think that drugs don’t fuck you up, keep in mind that this fumbling idiot actually broke up with Krista Allen, a women so devastatingly beautiful, that if I walked into her bedroom and it was decorated with the heads of all her past boyfriends, sawed off and kept in jars, I would still take my chances.

And since I’ve been looking for any excuse lately to post a Krista Allen gallery and mention that she’s astonishingly good on the otherwise unwatchable Unscripted, umm, well, here I go: