Nicole Richie is engaged

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The beautiful and talented people who read this page started sending in the ‘Nicole Richie gets engaged’ story over the weekend, but I haven’t written anything yet because I’m completely out of ideas on how to insult this girl. What the hell am I supposed to say that would be more embarrassing than the stuff she already does. Even calling her a ‘dumb drunken whore’ seems under whelming, like drawing a frowny face on the Nazi flag. If you would have told me three years ago that we’d still be shackled with this idiot today, I would have punched you in the nuts and then tattled on you for being mean to me. But there she is. In my Inbox. So, you know what, to hell with it. If this guy is fired up about having sex with Cha-Ka for the rest of his life, God bless ’em.