Kate Bosworth is hungry

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I haven’t had drunken deviant sex with Kate Bosworth in a couple of weeks, but I really don’t remember her being this thin. There’s a big difference between “healthy” thin and “trapped behind barbed wire for six months” thin, and Kate really seems to be headed towards that second one. I hope this isn’t my fault in some way. I don’t know man, maybe I shouldn’t have made those piggy sounds during dinner whenever she took a bite. Maybe I shouldn’t have coughed “fat ass” when the waiter asked about dessert. Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled “you knew what this was…” and sped away when I dropped her off the next morning. Maybe the way I treated her somehow led to this. Maybe I really need to look at the way I act towards … wait … what’s that you say Pop-Up Ad? Horny singles in my area want to have sex? With me? Tonight? Aww, man, I gotta get outa here!