I had family in town this weekend, so I missed the Weekend Dump, but I took a laxative and now we’re regular again. I still have no idea what Jake Gyllenhall is doing.
Hey guys, we might have a Selena Gomez problem.
So, San Diego Comic-Con 2016 was this weekend, and you’d know that if you had Internet. Which I assume you do if you’re reading this. Good job on that. Be sure to text your parents and thank them. Warner Bros. and DC should also thank who cut the Wonder Woman trailer, because goddamn. This trailer makes me want to get my ass kicked by Wonder Woman then ask for her autograph. I mean, for real. Goddamn. And Sony and Columbia Pictures should definitely take whatever money they have and invent a time machine so they can hire this person to cut the Ghostbusters trailer. Because, also, goddamn. Dude. Seriously. Just watch.
Then, as expected, Warner Bros. and DC couldn’t just let us bask in that for a while, because they to step on their dicks and drop Justice League “footage”. Fans on Twitter tell me its not technically a trailer, so we can’t say anything bad about it, but you’v seen Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, and now whatever the fuck is happening in this. I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Unless this turns out to be what it looks like: an overly long Aquaman Axe body spray commercial. But at least they added “jokes” and nobody looks like they want to kill themselves instead of fighting crime. They probably had to scrap Zack Snyder’s idea about Batman choking a baby.
Pics on pics on pics on pics:
Anybody want to know how Tom Hiddleston is doing besides suffering in silence with nowhere to turn after Kim Kardashian slayed the Boss Becky? Let Taylor Swift’s team of PR staff writers spin you a third act of a Garry Marshall movie.
“Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with,” the insider dishes. “They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”
“Writing during her travels” like she’s Cheryl Strayed hiking the Mojave Desert instead of flying in a private jet having Gigi Hadid take dictation while Tom drinks to feel nothing. You’re not selling me on this, guys. Not selling me at all. But this next part. I hope you’re sitting down.
Are you sitting down? Please tell me you’re sitting down.
Not gonna lie, the DNC is gonna have a tough time topping the the RNC. The sheer star power of Scott Baio, the dude from Duck Dynasty who hates gays and loves 14-year old girls, that one lady from the one soap opera, Antonio Sabato, Jr., Trump’s mail order bride, billionaires who say the economy is broken, and that one dude who said white people are better at everything, might be too much for the Democrats to overcome. Luckily, the DNC will have people you don’t have to Google, so that’s a plus! One of those people is Chloe Grace Moretz.
Chloe Grace Moretz, Lena Dunham, America Ferrera, Debra Messing and Star Jones are among the Hollywood stars who will take the stage to support Hillary Clinton…NBA stars Jason and Jarron Collins and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will speak at the convention as well. Katy Perry, Eva Longoria, Alicia Keys, and Demi Lovato are all set to make appearances…
The lack of straight white men in this list makes me think Hillary Clinton doesn’t love America and hates freedom and what’s to be PC by inviting a bunch of people who aren’t straight white men. Typical leftist logic! Am I doing this right? Anyway, Chloe Grace Moretz is talking, so hopefully she’ll let us know how to get our heads out of a hole and look around to realize what’s ACTUALLY happening in the REAL world. Looking forward to it. Also looking forward to her ass.
BREAKING: Kate Hudson has a type.
Kate Hudson has found her boy of summer: Diplo. “They are dating,” a source reveals a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly. The actress and the DJ, both 37, who exited NYC’s Met Gala together in May, connected in mid-July near Ibiza, Spain, the insider says.
Us Weekly was nice enough to add this at the end of the second paragraph in their article entitled, “Kate Hudson Is Dating Diplo“.
(His rep denies the romance.)
Maybe that should have been in the first paragraph? Who knows. Last time I heard of Diplo, he was banging this. Look, if you’re a white guy and you’re in some sort of band or have a laptop that plays music to a room full of people on molly, Kate Hudson will bang you. Plain and simple. She might even get pregnant. Her ass looks like this at 37, and she wears stuff like this to DreamWorks Animation movie premieres. Kate Hudson is just down to smash at any time, and either you can keep up or you can’t. Deal with it. Also, I didn’t know this, but Diplo’s real name is Thomas Wesley Pentz. He sounds like he owns slaves or would like to own slaves at some point. Not sure why I felt the need to include his real name here, but I enjoy sharing things that I learn. For instance, Taco Bell’s new Triple Double Crunchwrap is well worth the $3.49 asking price.
Margot Robbie in a wet t-shirt, anyone? (NSFW) [ Taxi Driver Movie ]
Lady Gaga in a swimsuit, anyone? [ The Superficial ]
Kate Upton still hasn’t found her ass [ Popoholic ]
Britney Spears rocking the mom bikini [ DrunkenStepfather ]
Jennifer Hudson‘s next movie will have a 19% on Rotten Tomatoes [ Dlisted ]
Samantha Hoopes got topless [ Hollywood Tuna ]
I want to be in Vanessa Hudgens‘ yoga class [ Moe Jackson ]
Important: 10 greatest cereal mascots of all time [ Mandatory ]
Matt Damon‘s attempt at small talk with Prince went as expected [ The Blemish ]
Taylor Swift will now have Eugenie Bouchard assassinated [ Cele|bitchy ]
A Star Trek Beyond review [ Crave Online ]
More Alexis Ren [ Instagram ]
Hard to say anything’s had a better week than Snapchat. Congrats to Miranda Kerr for now owning half of it.
Even though California law doesn’t include conversations that can be overheard as “confidential communication”, Taylor Swift still wants Kanye West and Kim Kardashian prosecuted for recording the call she said she didn’t know about but did. And much like her response for being called out for straight up lying then playing the victim, Swift is obsessing over technicalities while playing the victim. Hard to believe, I know.
…Taylor sources say she had NO IDEA Kanye had her on speaker. Although she could hear other voices she assumed they could not hear her, so she believes Kanye had a legal duty to ask permission to record her, and by not doing so he violated the criminal law. Taylor is still deciding whether she’ll file a police report. What’s more … we’re told Taylor wants them to bring it on … the call lasted a full hour and Kim was very selective in what she posted. Taylor wants the entire conversation released, because everyone would hear — Kanye never said he’d call her a “bitch” in the song.
Taylor had no idea Kanye had her on speaker. No idea. None. I guess she just assumed Rick Rubin’s voice was a ghost and Kanye called her while on the wing of an airplane. But, of course, here’s why she really wants them prosecuted. Hint: the most Taylor Swift reason of all. They were mean to her.
We’re told she’s also upset Kanye made the song sound lighthearted, when in fact it’s mean-spirited. Taylor’s rep said in a statement .. Kanye never asked Taylor for approval — which the tape proves — but she believes he was deceptive.
Taylor Swift is mad because someone was “mean-spirited” and “deceptive”. Huh. Okay. But to make a claim under the California’s Invasion of Privacy Act, Swift will have to prove she didn’t know the call was recorded, and the letter her lawyers already sent Kim and Kanye might not play in front of a judge, since lawyers can’t bring criminal charges against anyone even though they represent the fairest maiden in all the land who is used to people bowing to her usual legal coercion. Also, an artist in Australia painted that mural you see in the banner pic. I assume her legal team has already deployed black ops mercenaries to deliver a strongly worded letter.
Hey, here’s Camilla Belle. The actor Taylor Swift called a whore on an album that sold over 4M copies, but has yet to apologize.