Jessica Alba Has A Startup Worth $1B Before IPO By todd August 27, 2014
Jessica Alba Has A Startup Worth $1B Before IPO

 

If you’re like me and a billion other people, you probably just assumed Jessica Alba is a bad actress, but apparently it’s just bored indifference since obviously being an international movie star is just something she does as a hobby.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the superstar actress’s environmentally-friendly baby care startup, The Honest Co., recently closed a $70 million fundraising round. That investment now values her company just shy of a billion dollars, and it’s only growing: “She is an international star. We’re starting to see a lot of demand from her fans around the world,” [investor Jeremy Liew] said. “This idea for non-toxic, chemical free products has resonated around the world in developed and developing countries.” Since launching in 2012 with its non-toxic diapers and other natural baby products, the California-based startup has grown quickly by blending its environmentally sensitive products with a social mission. Annual revenue is tracking to hit north of $150 million in 2014, or three times the revenue of 2013, according to [co-founder Brian Lee]. Despite having been in business for just a few years, The Honest Co. is already eyeing a public stock offering, which will likely value the company even higher.

So, uhh, is she seeing anybody? She has a husband and two kids? I mean, I’ll take them all out to dinner if that’s cool.

  If you’re like me and a billion other people, you probably just assumed Jessica Alba is a bad actress, but apparently it’s just bored indifference since obviously being an…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Here’s “Anaconda” With Farts Added By todd August 27, 2014
Here’s “Anaconda” With Farts Added

 

Try to forget for a moment that we live in a country where a 9-year old kills a man with an Uzi, then all we brush it off as a terrible accident then say the guy with his head blown off should accept some of the responsibility instead of wondering why a 9-year old had an Uzi in the first place or why our rock hard Second Amendment dick will gladly accept things like this because you never know when Obama and the government will come for you and your guns with their drones that will kill you instantly. Forget for a moment that Ferguson has effectively rendered the 2A as toothless words written on parchment 223 years ago.  Forget all that.  Here’s Nicki Minaj‘s “Anaconda” with fart sounds added.

 

 

  Try to forget for a moment that we live in a country where a 9-year old kills a man with an Uzi, then all we brush it off as…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Justin Bieber Slams On Brakes To Cause An Accident, Compares Himself To Princess Diana By todd August 27, 2014
Justin Bieber Slams On Brakes To Cause An Accident, Compares Himself To Princess Diana

 

Justin Bieber is attends Bible study classes, so everybody should know that when it comes to traffic, Bieber only yields for the holy spirit.

Bieber was driving his red Ferrari in West Hollywood early Tuesday afternoon when he noticed a photog following him in a Prius. We’re told an annoyed Bieber slammed on his brakes and the photog crashed into him.

And if you thought Christians were just being persecuted in Iraq, you should stop watching Fix News, and realize Christians are being persecuted right in our own backyard.

 

 

I’m not sure how it goes down in Canada , but check the manual, there are laws that would have prevented you from experiencing what you just experienced. The law is (if I can paraphrase) don’t slam on your fucking brakes when somebody is following you. I don’t know the side effects of sizzurp personally, but when you cause an accident, try not to whine about how it could have been prevented. I know this might be a little confusing, so have Selena give me a call and I’ll explain to her.

  Justin Bieber is attends Bible study classes, so everybody should know that when it comes to traffic, Bieber only yields for the holy spirit. Bieber was driving his red…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Henry Cavill And Amy Adams Did The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge On Set By todd August 27, 2014
Henry Cavill And Amy Adams Did The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge On Set

 

I wish we’d all collectively move on from the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos. It’s raised enough money. Or maybe not. ALSA could always use more money to “set aside for later use”. Anyway, Henry Cavill and Amy Adams did the challenge on set of Batman v Superman, and if you notice that Amy Adams can’t really get her words out, it’s because she’s sitting next to Henry Cavill in his Superman costume. So she was soaked long before filming of this challenge took place.

 

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge – Amy Adams & Henry Cavill from Cruel Films on Vimeo.

  I wish we’d all collectively move on from the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos. It’s raised enough money. Or maybe not. ALSA could always use more money to “set…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Miley Cyrus’ Homeless Dude Has Outstanding Warrants By todd August 26, 2014
Miley Cyrus’ Homeless Dude Has Outstanding Warrants

 

By now, we’ve all heard the heartwarming story about how Miley Cyrus was browsing H&M’s website and found a homeless guy to accompany her to the 2014 MTV VMAs, because she needed a different prop besides Robin Thicke and a sexually assaulted teddy bear to make people forget the last time she was there.  The dude gave an emotional speech about teen homelessness, but forgot to give a shout out to his probation officer.

Miley Cyrus introduced the world to Jesse Helt when he accepted her MTV VMA for Video of the Year on her behalf over the weekend, but now more information about the homeless youth is being revealed. E! News has learned that there is a warrant out for the arrest of the Salem, Ore., native for violation of probation, stemming from previous charges including criminal trespassing and criminal mischief. He was also charged with burglary after a 2010 incident where he attempted to break into an apartment. According to recent court documents, Helt violated his probation on numerous occasions after failing to take a drug test, failing to report to his probation officer, breaching his curfew, not finishing his community service hours and more.

The media has done a great job of painting Jesse Helt as a helpless youth down on his luck who was saved by Miley Cyrus, but please keep in mind, this is a violent criminal and drug addict with an extensive record who is on the run from the authorities. The only way to prevent further victims of this man’s criminal activity is to shoot him immediately. At least 11 times. Anything less than 11 wouldn’t be sufficient justice for those he has permanently damaged with his criminal mischief and burglary or what have you. Doesn’t matter. He has a criminal record. Ask yourself, do you feel safe with this man walking the streets? I mean, like he literally walks the streets because he’s homeless.

  By now, we’ve all heard the heartwarming story about how Miley Cyrus was browsing H&M’s website and found a homeless guy to accompany her to the 2014 MTV VMAs,…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Sofia Vergara Gives No Damns By todd August 26, 2014
Sofia Vergara Gives No Damns

 

A day after they were dressing up their cats like Beyonce after she twerked on a stripper pole and humped furniture in front of her 2-year old, feminists the world over collectively dropped their crochet needles to voice their displeasure over Sofia Vergara‘s bit at the Emmys last night. She doesn’t give a fuck.

During the 66th annual awards, the Modern Family actress stepped onto on a slowly rotating pedestal, showing off her curves while the president of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Bruce Rosenblum did his annual dull drone-speech. The gag was immediately slammed on Twitter and some news sites: “A very troubling turn,” wrote HuffPo. “She was treated like a literal object,” fumed Jezebel. “A bizarre, objectifying Emmy moment,” headlined Salon. Yet when asked whether the stunt was sexist and demeaning, Vergara shot back: “I think its absolutely the opposite. It means that somebody can be hot and also be funny and make fun of herself. I think it’s ridiculous that somebody started this—I know who she was—who has no sense of humor [and should] lighten up a little bit.” It’s not immediately clear who Vergara was referring to has having started the criticism.

I don’t want to sound like a woman here, but this literally makes no sense. We all saw what Beyonce did, and we all saw what Sofia Vergara did, sooo….like what’s the difference? Seriously. Tell the difference. I need to know. Beyonce is a rich, famous, woman who chooses to hypersexualize herself even though she’s reached a point where that’s not a patriarchal requirement. Sofia Vergara’s entire career has been built on her sex appeal and goofiness, so of course she would agree to to this. Was it lame? Yeah. Was it misogyny? Sure, if that’s what you to call it. Or, maybe, it could be a hot ass woman who knows she’s hot and is cool with being in on the joke however lame it might be. Vergara is obviously fine with being a caricature of herself, and here’s the shocking twist, that doesn’t mean she’s a direct reflection on you. Trust me, if I see you, I won’t be thinking about Sofia Vergara. Especially if you continue to wear those yoga pants you have convinced yourself that they fit. I only think about Sofia Vergara when I’m thinking about Sofia Vergara.  If a woman has a right to choose what she does with her own body, then a woman has a right to do choose what she wants to do with her own body.  That sentence isn’t just limited to abortions and birth control. Women, we love you. We all do. But at some point you need to learn to get out of your own way.  I’ll be in the kitchen doing stuff because I feel the patriarchy shouldn’t define my gender role. Gurrll, don’t be mad. Wait until you get a bite of this omelet.

  A day after they were dressing up their cats like Beyonce after she twerked on a stripper pole and humped furniture in front of her 2-year old, feminists the…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Christ By todd August 26, 2014

 

Let me preface this by saying Breaking Bad is one of my all-time favorite shows, but I’m not understanding why the Ferguson riots didn’t move to the Nokia Theater after Bryan Cranston won over Matthew McConaughey. But in a related True Detective story, Alexandra Daddario went to the Emmys last night and damn, son. I said damn, son. Skinny, hot, brunette, blue eyes, huge rack, likes to get topless. Not sure what else I’d need in life except maybe burritos. And I’d gladly accept tacos if burritos weren’t available. Lack of burritos isn’t a deal breaker in this scenario.

  Let me preface this by saying Breaking Bad is one of my all-time favorite shows, but I’m not understanding why the Ferguson riots didn’t move to the Nokia Theater…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery, Theft By todd August 26, 2014
Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery, Theft

 

Being a born again Christian is hard.

Justin Bieber is under investigation for several crimes — including attempted robbery — for lunging at a fan at an arcade and sports bar … attempting to get the guy’s cellphone. Justin and Selena Gomez were at Dave & Buster’s Monday night when a fan starting taking cellphone pics and video of the two. Law enforcement sources say … Justin lunged at the guy … in an attempt to take his cellphone and presumably erase the pics and video. Justin’s security held him back and he never made contact with the fan. Police were called but before they arrived Justin booked it out of there. Our law enforcement sources say the fan wants to press charges and Justin is being investigated … and the possible crimes are attempted battery, attempted theft (stealing the pics) and attempted robbery (grabbing the camera in an attempt to permanently deprive the fan of the pics and video). Justin could be in big trouble, because he’s on probation in the egging case and violating the law could trigger a probation violation which could land him in jail.

It’s obvious that Justin Bieber is no angel. His past crimes and continued run ins with the law clearly show that he has a propensity for violence. If he was to be shot by police, even if he was unarmed, don’t mourn him, because the world would be a safer place with  one less thug off the street. It’s sickening that the liberal media and girls who haven’t had their first period yet will go to great lengths to paint him as a martyr when he’s gone, but maybe America should focus on his victims instead. They’ll want to demonize the officer who shot him, but don’t let them tell you it wasn’t a good kill. Police are under constant attack from belligerent, violent criminals, and sometimes they have no choice but to shoot to kill when faced with such a threat. The linked video clearly explains that a trained police sometimes can’t remain in control when dealing with a dangerous criminal and must use deadly force, because the end of the day, they should be the ones who go home to their families.

Note: LOL

  Being a born again Christian is hard. Justin Bieber is under investigation for several crimes — including attempted robbery — for lunging at a fan at an arcade and…

Related Posts:

Tags:
So, Sofia Vergara Did This Thing By todd August 26, 2014
So, Sofia Vergara Did This Thing

 

Julianna Margulies told us last night that it’s a “wonderful time for women on television“, but it was also a wonderful time to be a feminist on Twitter, because when Sofia Vergara stepped on a rotating platform to be blatantly objectified, the toxic shock syndrome took effect and feminists went apeshit because it was another opportunity to talk about the patriarchy and rape stats.  Like, I can get the outrage since they had her ass up there like a piece of  sweet potato pie in a diner (which is considerably less messy to eat btw), but I just assumed that everyone loves looking at Sofia Vergara like this. Even Sofia Vergara. Remember, Beyonce was on a literal stripper pole the night before and now she’s Dora Russell. And to be honest, there’s a reason they didn’t ask Lena Dunham to step up on that platform. Nobody should be subjected to that.

 

That being said, Happy Women’s Equality Day, everyone!

 

 

  Julianna Margulies told us last night that it’s a “wonderful time for women on television“, but it was also a wonderful time to be a feminist on Twitter, because…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Hayden Panettiere Is Super Pregnant By todd August 26, 2014

With all the unrest happening in the world right now, we seemed to have overlooked what appears to be a scientific breakthrough in interspecies procreation, because garden gnome  Hayden Panettiere attended the Enmmys last night still carrying Russian government experiment Wladimir Klitschko‘s unborn “child”. It’s only a matter of time before it claws through her vagina and terrorizes villagers and disemboweling farm animals for sport, but his mother looks absolutely radiant here. She also seems to have gotten pregnant in her ass. I slept through most of my biology classes so I didn’t know that was a thing.

With all the unrest happening in the world right now, we seemed to have overlooked what appears to be a scientific breakthrough in interspecies procreation, because garden gnome  Hayden Panettiere…

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,