Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ PremiereBy toddMarch 30, 2017
Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Premiere

 

Scarlett Johansson is a far left liberal and far left liberals hate her now, but loved her back in January. Much like with their genders, the far left’s acceptance tends to be fluid (haha nailed it!).  She’s was in NYC last night promoting the movie white people in NYC will boycott, because they think will help solve racism or whatever they read on Slate. She wore this dress.

 

  Scarlett Johansson is a far left liberal and far left liberals hate her now, but loved her back in January. Much like with their genders, the far left’s acceptance…

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Chloe Grace Moretz Should’ve Stayed InsideBy toddMarch 30, 2017

If I just say Chloe Moretz from now on, you’ll know who I’m talking about right? I don’t have to keep typing Chloe Grace Moretz for you to know I’m talking about that super short lady with the weird head and kinda big ass? I have things to do. Like says she maybe should have stayed inside the gym until the cameras left, because damn. She also should think about staying inside until the sun goes down, because I can’t imagine a scenario where her skin and the sun get along.

If I just say Chloe Moretz from now on, you’ll know who I’m talking about right? I don’t have to keep typing Chloe Grace Moretz for you to know I’m…

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It’s A Nah For Me On That ‘IT’ TrailerBy toddMarch 30, 2017
It’s A Nah For Me On That ‘IT’ Trailer

 

A teaser trailer for IT dropped yesterday, and I’m not sure why it’s capitalized because it sound like a story about some dudes fixing your Internet. The new Pennywise is the dude from Hemlock Grove, so none of this seems particularly scary or whatever. Why they make his head so big? It also has the kid, Finn Wolfhard, from Stranger Things in it. “Finn Wolfard” is a badass name. The kid doesn’t seem to be. But clowns in the sewer or whatever? Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg. I like sleeping at night. Be gone.

 

  A teaser trailer for IT dropped yesterday, and I’m not sure why it’s capitalized because it sound like a story about some dudes fixing your Internet. The new Pennywise…
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Alexandra Daddario Did GQ MexicoBy toddMarch 29, 2017
Alexandra Daddario Did GQ Mexico

 

Alexandra Daddario was my favorite thing about True Detective and she’s my favorite thing about whatever she’s in. I even sat through that dumbass Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.  She’s now my favorite thing about magazines published for a Mexican audience as in GQ Mexico. I don’t know any more.

(more…)

  Alexandra Daddario was my favorite thing about True Detective and she’s my favorite thing about whatever she’s in. I even sat through that dumbass Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.  She’s…

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Nicki Minaj Got A Modeling Contract, Has A New VideoBy toddMarch 29, 2017
Nicki Minaj Got A Modeling Contract, Has A New Video

 

Vogue just announced Nicki Minaj signed a big modeling contract. I assume she’ll only be photographed from the waist up.

As a singer, songwriter, actress, and hip-hop queen, Nicki Minaj has spent her career juggling a multitude of roles, and her latest move brings her into yet another creative sphere—modeling. Signing to Wilhelmina’s celebrity division, Minaj becomes the latest star to add professional posing to her repertoire.

How did Nicki Minaj score a modeling contract? The same way Kendall Jenner did.

With 77 million followers on Instagram, household name status, and a larger-than-life persona, Minaj has plenty to offer the fashion world.

So ladies, up your Instagram game and you too could become a model. Not sure how that would translate into a “rap” career and a video with Gucci Mane. Stay positive. The world is oyster if you have a lot of Instagram followers.

 

 

  Vogue just announced Nicki Minaj signed a big modeling contract. I assume she’ll only be photographed from the waist up. As a singer, songwriter, actress, and hip-hop queen, Nicki…

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Oscar Isaac Is Having His First KidBy toddMarch 29, 2017
Oscar Isaac Is Having His First Kid

 

Well technically, Oscar Isaac‘s girlfriend is having a kid, but if I called this post, “Elvira Lind Is Having A Kid”, you would’ve just said “I don’t know who that is” and scrolled past the news about Elvira Lind. You might have scrolled past this anyway, who’s to say, really? Or whose to say, really? Either or.

It looks like a new little X-wing fighter pilot is on his (or her) way: Star Wars: The Force Awakens star Oscar Isaac and his girlfriend Elvira Lind are expecting a baby together. The private couple were spotted Monday out and about in New York City, with Lind’s blossoming baby belly peeking through her maxi dress…According to her website, Lind is a Danish director from Copenhagen, who graduated from film school in Cape Town, South Africa, in 2006. She specializes in documentaries and has a film premiering at Tribeca Film Festival this year.

South Africa? I wonder if she hates black people. But kudos to Oscar for staying with this chick after he got famous and getting her pregnant instead of getting a supermodel pregnant. If I was Oscar Isaac, I’d be getting supermodels pregnant or just models in general. This is probably why I’m not Oscar Isaac and am currently just writing about him. It’s fine. Please respect me and my family’s privacy at this time.

 

  Well technically, Oscar Isaac‘s girlfriend is having a kid, but if I called this post, “Elvira Lind Is Having A Kid”, you would’ve just said “I don’t know who…
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Chloe Grace Moretz Called The Cops On A Dude Who Brought Her CookiesBy toddMarch 29, 2017
Chloe Grace Moretz Called The Cops On A Dude Who Brought Her Cookies

 

The Chloe Grace Moretz butt posts were fun. It was a simpler time. This story doesn’t involve butts. I wish it did. It involves a dude on a skateboard offering Chloe Grace Moretz cookies then having the cops called on him.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the “Neighbors 2” star had an uninvited guest roll up to her home on a skateboard with a container full of treats. We’re told Chloe was inside but didn’t answer. The guy asked a neighbor if this was Chloe’s home, and the neighbor started grilling the guy. Cops say Moretz called the cops and reported the guy, who looked about 18. The cops never got to speak with the guy because he made a hasty retreat. LAPD’s threat management is now on this case.

It’s 2017, so it might be one of these white terrorists I keep hearing so much about. They travel on skateboards apparently. I just assumed we all knew we had a better chance to get killed by a white person in America than we did a Muslim immigrant. We should also assume if we went to Jurassic Park that we’d have a better chance to get killed by a velociraptor than a Muslim immigrant, because that’s where the velociraptors are. The only difference is, velociraptors didn’t hear what happened in the Jurassic Park movies then plant bombs where Sam Neil lives. I’d really like to know what kind of cookies this guy brought before we label him a terrorist though.

 

  The Chloe Grace Moretz butt posts were fun. It was a simpler time. This story doesn’t involve butts. I wish it did. It involves a dude on a skateboard…

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Cool Dress, Anne HathawayBy toddMarch 29, 2017

 

Have we as a society figured out why Anne Hathaway is annoying yet? I feel this dress she wore to the Colossal premiere in NYC is an extension of that. I don’t understand. I know she has like 89 teeth, but is she trying to hide them? We’ve seen them already. Did she go to a funeral ball after? I’m confused. Who is responsible for this?

 

  Have we as a society figured out why Anne Hathaway is annoying yet? I feel this dress she wore to the Colossal premiere in NYC is an extension of…

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Jessica Chastain Is Back To Red Carpet Jessica ChastainBy toddMarch 28, 2017

Naming a movie The Zookeeper’s Wife is probably the best way to ensure it doesn’t make any money, but Jessica Chastain is in it, and that means “Jessica Chastain on the red carpet” which is my favorite subgenre to post on here. Like this. And this. And this. She’s also an atheist which is weird, because I feel if there was a God, he’d like to take credit for those titties.

Naming a movie The Zookeeper’s Wife is probably the best way to ensure it doesn’t make any money, but Jessica Chastain is in it, and that means “Jessica Chastain on the…

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Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity ChefBy toddMarch 28, 2017
Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity Chef

 

Scarlett Johansson is going through a shitshow of a divorce right now, but she also has needs. The need to be banged then fed.

When Howard Stern attempted to play matchmaker with the “Ghost in the Shell” star, 32, on Tuesday, she nixed his suggestions of potential suitors like Brad Pitt or Louis C.K. before revealing who she believes is the hottest man in the world — celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. “Gordon Ramsay! Honestly, I’m like somebody who likes Gordon Ramsay,” she said, before adding, “or Anthony Bourdain!” “There’s a running theme,” she joked.

I can cook and like yelling at people, so if Gordon doesn’t work out, just letting Scarlett know we might be able to work something out. Maybe we can talk about her new haircut before we proceed. How about switching that up a bit? Try something different? That would be really cool.

 

  Scarlett Johansson is going through a shitshow of a divorce right now, but she also has needs. The need to be banged then fed. When Howard Stern attempted to…

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