Emily Ratajkowski Did Cosmo By todd October 01, 2014
Emily Ratajkowski Did Cosmo

 

Cosmopolitan has been raging a war against women for as long as I can remember, but instead of denying them birth control or equal rights, they turn women into overthinking balls of neurosis with each quiz and “50 Ways To Blow His Mind In Bed” lists (Ladies: You only have to do one thing, two things maybe if it’s my birthday). That being said, Emily Ratajkowski is on the cover because she went from being in a video about hypersexualized women to a movie about a woman who faked her own disappearance to frame her husband for her murder (Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert!).  These ends of the spectrum have apparently met somewhere in the middle, and now she’s a breakout star who is “here to stay”. Man, that’s a really empowering story. They should dress her up so her rack is hanging out so they can a way to visually convey they just pissed all over their own message. Kudos.

  Cosmopolitan has been raging a war against women for as long as I can remember, but instead of denying them birth control or equal rights, they turn women into…

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Miranda Kerr Is At Paris Fashion Week Wearing This By todd October 01, 2014

 

October is the start of Basic Bitch Month, so if you’re tired if seeing chicks in scarves and leggings and Uggs today posting on Facebook about how they’ve narrowed down their Halloween costume idea list they started in August, go ahead and look at these pictures of Miranda Kerr at Paris Fashion Week. It doesn’t look like she’s thinking about candles or getting salad dressing on the side, so that’s a plus.

  October is the start of Basic Bitch Month, so if you’re tired if seeing chicks in scarves and leggings and Uggs today posting on Facebook about how they’ve narrowed…

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Ben Affleck’s Junk Is Gonna Be In ‘Gone Girl’ By todd October 01, 2014
Ben Affleck’s Junk Is Gonna Be In ‘Gone Girl’

 

Hey, another The Fappening might happen this weekend, but on Friday, The Fingering(?) might happen because you’ll get to see full Ben Affleck dick in Gone Girl. Bryan Singer already pre-ordered his ticket on Fandango.

But before you make your appointment with a competent psychotherapist, you can make a plan to see “Gone Girl” when it opens in theaters on October 3! Because Affleck himself has promised that this movie will feature his, er, Big Ben. “It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively. “There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated. “The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.” And before you go saying mean things about Ben’s Affleck on the internet, the actor has an announcement to make: “You should know it was very cold.”

I really don’t care to see Ben Affleck’s penis, so all I really have to add to this is that if they change the ending of the book, I’m afraid of what my reaction will be. I’m seriously considering firing off a really passive aggressive tweet to 20th Century Fox. Also, lol at people who tweet companies like the companies give a shit. Settle down there, bro.

  Hey, another The Fappening might happen this weekend, but on Friday, The Fingering(?) might happen because you’ll get to see full Ben Affleck dick in Gone Girl. Bryan Singer…
Taylor Swift Still Has No Clue By todd October 01, 2014
Taylor Swift Still Has No Clue

 

Taylor Swift makes her debut on the cover of British Vogue this month, and since they also asked her to open her mouth, Taylor Swift brought up her recent favorite subject: constantly talking about how she doesn’t want to date anyone. You know, unless someone offers.

Dating or finding someone is the last thing on my mind, because I can’t picture how it could work with the way my life is,” she added. “I don’t know how a guy is supposed to walk next to his girlfriend when there are 20 men with cameras, and he can’t protect his girlfriend because that’s the life she chose. I just don’t see how it could work, so I don’t think about it, and I kind of run from it when it presents itself. ‘Cause I don’t think any guy really… They think that they would want to get to know me, and maybe date me, but I don’t think they want what comes with it.”

Yep, that’s it. Men who date you are worried about cameras following them. Especially the famous men who you’ve dated that surprisingly had their pictures taken before and after they dated you. Maybe they only had 10 cameras around then. Not sure they could handle that extra 10. Another theory floating around is that they know that as soon as they breakup with you, you’ll write an entire album about them. Or they know that you have spent so much time with cats that you can seemingly control their natural instinct to apathetically kill at will and carry them around NYC like a chihuahua who just got sedated for a road trip.  Keep in mind that these are just theories, so they might not be true. Like we have Ebola in America now because we took God out of Dallas airports.

  Taylor Swift makes her debut on the cover of British Vogue this month, and since they also asked her to open her mouth, Taylor Swift brought up her recent…

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Amanda Bynes Got Kicked Out Of Fashion School For Weed, Being Weird By todd October 01, 2014
Amanda Bynes Got Kicked Out Of Fashion School For Weed, Being Weird

 

The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Irvine apparently doesn’t have a fall ratchet line coming out.

Amanda Bynes was out of control at her fashion school … showing up high and offering fellow students money to do her homework … and we’re told it got so bad she was kicked out. Several classmates at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Irvine say Amanda has shown big signs of trouble for a while … and various people have told us she often went to class high on weed. Student Rachel Loritz tells TMZ … Amanda often ditched classes … but even when she showed up, she was clearly high, and not good at hiding it … she almost always wore sunglasses and laughed out loud at inappropriate times. We’re told the pendulum would often swing and she would then get in “horrendous arguments.” Rachel says … Amanda paid fellow students to do her homework … and some took her up on it. Rachel says she rejected Amanda’s offer. We’re told Amanda was caught cheating off someone during a test … and when she was called out she threw a fit. Multiple sources tell us Amanda was kicked out of the school last month.

I don’t know what it’s called, but can somebody pull up beside her in a van and jump out then but a bag over head then take her to an undisclosed location that doesn’t have weed but is filled with medical professionals and people who actually care about her well-being? That would be great. Maybe put her in some footie pajamas and heat her up some milk and cookies and maybe a therapy dog. Something. Anything. I wouldn’t let her watch Selfie though because it’s unclear whether or not she’s suicidal.

  The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Irvine apparently doesn’t have a fall ratchet line coming out. Amanda Bynes was out of control at her fashion school ……

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Jessa Duggar Went To The Holocaust Museum, Compared It To Abortion By todd September 30, 2014
Jessa Duggar Went To The Holocaust Museum, Compared It To Abortion

 

Jessa Duggar, one of the 19 kids that has flown out of Captain America Jesus’ clone army facility located in Michelle Duggar’s uterus, visited the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC last week and took the time to equate the slaughter of 11 million people to abortion. Surprisingly, she glossed over the fact that the museum exists because a dude thought he was doing God’s will. Shocking, I know.

I walked through the Holocaust Museum again today… very sobering. Millions of innocents denied the most basic and fundamental of all rights–their right to life. One human destroying the life of another deemed “less than human.” Racism, stemming from the evolutionary idea that man came from something less than human; that some people groups are “more evolved” and others “less evolved.” A denying that our Creator–GOD–made us human from the beginning, all of ONE BLOOD and ONE RACE, descendants of Adam. The belief that some human beings are “not fit to live.” So they’re murdered. Slaughtered. Kids with Down syndrome or other disabilities. The sickly. The elderly. The sanctity of human life varies not in sickness or health, poverty or wealth, elderly or pre-born, little or lots of melanin [making you darker or lighter skinned], or any other factor. “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not He that pondereth the heart consider it? and He that keepeth thy soul, doth not He know it? and shall not He render to every man according to his works?” (Proverbs 24:10-12) May we never sit idly by and allow such an atrocity to happen again. Not this generation. We must be a voice for those who cannot speak up for themselves. Because EVERY LIFE IS PRECIOUS. #ProLife

At some point, the Duggar family will replace all the 11 million people that were killed, but until then, I guess they can just keep on being stupid. But you really have to understand, she was raised in a house where a woman’s worth was based on the number of babies she could spit out, so she got married and pregnant as soon as possible, because that what she truly believes makes her a woman. Her dad is named Jin Bob and she’s 21, but she claims to know how the universe was made and the will of the dude that supposedly created it. You really can’t talk logic or reason with people like that. Just nod and back away slowly. Then go donate some money to Planned Parenthood. Or maybe get a Kickstarter to get the Duggar family on birth control.

  Jessa Duggar, one of the 19 kids that has flown out of Captain America Jesus’ clone army facility located in Michelle Duggar’s uterus, visited the Holocaust Museum in Washington,…
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Amanda Bynes Is Doing Really Great By todd September 30, 2014
Amanda Bynes Is Doing Really Great

 

The last time we talked about Amanda Bynes she was crazy, and since crazy never really goes away, you’ll probably won’t be too surprised to find out that, yes, she’s still pretty crazy.

Amanda Bynes was arrested in Los Angeles Sunday after cops determined she was driving under the influence … and our law enforcement sources say she was on a STIMULANT … but we’re told she has also developed a serious weed problem … again. Here’s what we know — Bynes was driving a Mercedes in the San Fernando Valley when she stopped in the middle of an intersection on Van Nuys Blvd. A CHP officer spotted her and determined she was under the influence. She was taken to the LAPD Van Nuys division where a drug recognition officer determined she was under the influence of a stimulant. According to the incident report … Amanda had a “disheveled” appearance. Amanda was then booked for DUI. She posted $15,000 bail. Amanda has had trouble with mental problems for years now. Her parents had a conservatorship which ended earlier this month and as one source says, “Things started going haywire.” We’re told Amanda has moved out of her parents home and is now living in an Orange County apartment. We’re told she has been smoking weed for weeks and things are bad again.

Amanda was under the influence of the white girl drug of choice.

Amanda Bynes was under the influence of Adderall when she was arrested for DUI … sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ … but her problems go much deeper than a criminal case. We’ve learned the Adderall was prescribed by a doctor and she had taken the drug before getting stopped in Van Nuys Sunday and failing multiple field sobriety tests. She was arrested for DUI. Adderall is a stimulant and we’re told Amanda was “out of it” when she was stopped. Fact is … it’s no defense to DUI that the drug in question was prescribed — it’s still operating a vehicle while impaired. But Amanda now faces a probation violation — she’s on probation for reckless driving — and the fact that the drug was prescribed may help her there.

We won’t get into the fact that we’re fighting the wrong war on drugs, because of instead of cartels, America has corporations with shareholders who need you to be a walking zombie and emotionless black hole so they can keep getting their dividend checks. They don’t really cure anything, but as long as you don’t think or feel anything, your chemically altered brain doesn’t really know you have a problem until you drown your kids or shoot up a school. But I guess that’s a risk you take when you criminalize a drug that makes you sit on the couch and binge watch The Blacklist and order one too many pizzas. It would be really easy to make fun of her, but this is pretty sad and the fact her parents either are in denial or just don’t give a shit, is kinda troubling. You know what else is troubling? Tom Brady.

  The last time we talked about Amanda Bynes she was crazy, and since crazy never really goes away, you’ll probably won’t be too surprised to find out that, yes,…

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Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You Guys By todd September 30, 2014
Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You Guys

 

We’ve gone through like four rounds of The Fappening, and Miley Cyrus hasn’t even been mentioned even though she’s changed her iCloud password to “flower” then “password”. Nobody wants to seem to go through the trouble of hacking her stuff, because we kinda already know what she’s working with and what she’s working with is just body parts that kinda resemble female human anatomy that have been manipulated by Nazi interspecies experiments. She’s pretty gross. But since she was a star at 12 or whatever, her ego and sense of entitlement is bigger than her ass, so she thinks she’s hot. So she takes topless selfie pics in the shower. Unclear if this is supposed to be sexy or this is part of an NFL anti-domestic violence ad.

 

pic source = Instagram

  We’ve gone through like four rounds of The Fappening, and Miley Cyrus hasn’t even been mentioned even though she’s changed her iCloud password to “flower” then “password”. Nobody wants…

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Kelly Brook Is Single Again By todd September 29, 2014
Kelly Brook Is Single Again

 

Look at this picture of Kelly Brook. I mean, like really look at it. Then understand that David McIntosh is the second straight dude to cheat on her.

Former Gladiator David McIntosh is to jet to LA in a bid to salvage his relationship with Kelly Brook. The 28-year-old has told the model he wants to talk after she ended their engagement over fears he cheated with ex Sarah Harper, 33, which he denies. Friends say he is keen to settle down and have kids with Kelly, 34, and hoped to marry before Christmas. McIntosh said: “I am in still madly in love with Kelly. I have always felt she was my soul mate. “My heart has been left broken, but I will do anything to show that we can make it.”

Kelly Brook recently made some statements that she routinely slaps and punches her boyfriends and that’s okay because they’re big and “she’s a girl”. So long story short, a super hot chick is batshit crazy. Man, I wish there was historical evidence that this is a real phenomenon that would have warned him.

  Look at this picture of Kelly Brook. I mean, like really look at it. Then understand that David McIntosh is the second straight dude to cheat on her. Former…

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