Fergie Has A New Video And Kendall Jenner Is In It For Some ReasonBy toddSeptember 22, 2017
Fergie Has A New Video And Kendall Jenner Is In It For Some Reason

 

I guess Fergie has a new song called “Enchante” and here’s the video. I was listening to something else while this was playing, but assume Fergie does her usual breathy Britney Spears thing that passes for singing then does a rap at some point. Kris Jenner probably said only Kendall Jenner could be in the video so instead of other people, there’s like 25 Kendall Jenner’s awkwardly dancing and walking and sitting down. If the breaks 300K views, I’ll be surprised. Cool. Yeah. moving on.

 

 

  I guess Fergie has a new song called “Enchante” and here’s the video. I was listening to something else while this was playing, but assume Fergie does her usual…

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Rihanna Is A Cosmetics Mogul NowBy toddSeptember 22, 2017
Rihanna Is A Cosmetics Mogul Now

 

Rihanna launched her debut cosmetics line, Fenty Beauty (Fenty is her last name), and it’s selling like hurricane insurance because it was specifically designed for dark-skinned women/gays. She also just revealed a Holiday Collection, so white women/gays will also be buying it now to seem woke/cool. White people love being black until a black person gets shot by police. You know how it is. But yeah, she went to the Fenty Beauty By Rihanna Paris Launch Party in Paris last night and wore what looks like a garbage bag, but it doesn’t matter because Rihanna can wear a garbage bag and still look good enough to eat. In the figurative sense.

 

  Rihanna launched her debut cosmetics line, Fenty Beauty (Fenty is her last name), and it’s selling like hurricane insurance because it was specifically designed for dark-skinned women/gays. She also…

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Hey, It’s The ‘Blade Runner 2049’ PhotocallBy toddSeptember 21, 2017
Hey, It’s The ‘Blade Runner 2049’ Photocall

 

Not that you care, but Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies even if it’s kinda boring and Harrison Ford makes his usual weird faces a lot, so my erection for Blade Runner 2049 is very painful right now. It has Ryan Gosling in it, but I guess that’s fine. Denis Villeneuve hasn’t made a bad movie, yet so I’m not really holy shit the chick in green is named Ana De Armas and I just found that out and I think I’m in love now. Aww yeah. You know what this means, guys. At least one Ana De Armas post a week until I get bored and move onto something else. You know how we do.

 

  Not that you care, but Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies even if it’s kinda boring and Harrison Ford makes his usual weird faces a lot, so…
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Jay Z Reportedly Turned Down The 2018 Super Bowl Halftime ShowBy toddSeptember 21, 2017
Jay Z Reportedly Turned Down The 2018 Super Bowl Halftime Show

 

Jay Z was reportedly offered the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show and turned it down. Per The Source:

The rap mogul turned down the coveted halftime spot for next year’s Super Bowl, which boasts past shows from the likes of Missy Elliot, Janet Jackson and his wife Beyoncé. The Sun Newspaper quoted an “insider” close to Jigga as saying that, “He really has no plans to do the half-time show,” in reference to the Super Bowl performance in Minneapolis next year.  Last week, Jay showed his solidarity with ousted NFLer Colin Kaepernick by shouting him out during his stage performance in NYC.

Yesterday, the NFL responded to the rumor.

“No decisions have been made on the performer(s) and we are not going to speculate on particular artists,” an NFL spokesperson told Complex. “Along with Pepsi, we know that we will put on a spectacular show. When it is time to announce her name we will do it. Or his name. Or their names.”

NFL sounds a bit petty there. Todd’s Super Bowl prediction: no black artists will perform during the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show. We all know it’s gonna Taylor Swift cosplaying at Beyonce.

  Jay Z was reportedly offered the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show and turned it down. Per The Source: The rap mogul turned down the coveted halftime spot for next…

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Olivia Munn Had To Pay To Get A Cameo In ‘Ocean’s Eight’By toddSeptember 21, 2017
Olivia Munn Had To Pay To Get A Cameo In ‘Ocean’s Eight’

 

Ocean’s Eight is another entry into that hot, new studio trend where instead of making an original movie starring awesome women, they just gender swap an already established bankable IP to hedge their bets in the name of feminism. And if the movie gets bad reviews, and you happen not to like it, you just obviously hate women and movies starring women and you probably have mommy issues or something. And you also hate Hillary Clinton just because she’s a woman and nothing else. I heard if you scream that at people enough, they’ll realize it. Anyway, Olivia Munn wanted to catch this girl power wave so hard, she paid to be in it (via The Wrap).

Olivia Munn has a glamorous cameo in the upcoming heist film “Ocean’s Eight” —  but it cost her a pretty penny….Munn went all-out for wardrobe, hair and makeup (as one would for the actual event, hosted by Anna Wintour and largely considered the biggest night in fashion), and was shocked to see the production send back invoices for the costs she incurred….It’s a whole scene at the Met Ball and they’re like, Do your own glam.’ I got the dress, all that, and then you submit the bills for it because I’m part of your movie,” Munn told SiriusXM host Julia Cunningham on Entertainment Weekly Radio. But the bills come right back to you,” she concluded. “It actually cost me money to be in ‘Ocean’s Eight.’”

Aww, fuck yeah. Female empowerment, bitches. You know, until a studio worth $12B makes you pay for your own makeup and wardrobe. Warner Bros. can pay Zack Snyder to ruin superhero movies, but they can’t pay for Munn’s run to Sephora? Wait, who hates women again?

 

  Ocean’s Eight is another entry into that hot, new studio trend where instead of making an original movie starring awesome women, they just gender swap an already established bankable…

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‘The Punisher’ Trailer Is InsaneBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
‘The Punisher’ Trailer Is Insane

 

I think enough time has passed for us to all agree that Defenders was ass. It was. Let’s move on. Cool jokes, guys. Great job. Totally riveting. Now it’s time for The Punisher to drop. This probably isn’t the place for jokes, just a singular force of wanton destruction and murder. Also, Metallica. Also, this screencap would be good for one of those “What Antifa thinks they are” memes. Haha, just kidding, Kyle and Christopher.

 

  I think enough time has passed for us to all agree that Defenders was ass. It was. Let’s move on. Cool jokes, guys. Great job. Totally riveting. Now it’s…
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Linda Hamilton Is Coming Back To ‘Terminator’ Franchise AgainBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
Linda Hamilton Is Coming Back To ‘Terminator’ Franchise Again

 

Since every corpse has to be dug up and put in front of a camera so studios can cash in on your nostalgia (what up, Jamie Lee Curtis , every recent Harrison Ford movie, and Pennywise ), Linda Hamilton is returning to the Terminator franchise for the first time since 1991.

After waving hasta la vista, baby, more than 25 years ago, Linda Hamilton is returning to the world of Terminator, reuniting with James Cameron, the creator of the sci-fi franchise, for the new installment being made by Skydance and Paramount. Cameron made the announcement at a private event celebrating the storied franchise, saying, “As meaningful as she was to gender and action stars everywhere back then, it’s going to make a huge statement to have that seasoned warrior that she’s become return.” With Hamilton’s return, Cameron hopes to once again make a statement on gender roles in action movies. “There are 50-year-old, 60-year-old guys out there killing bad guys,” he said, referring to aging male actors still anchoring movies, “but there isn’t an example of that for women.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger is 70 and Linda Hamilton is 60, so who knows what the plot of this movie will be. Maybe it’s 2029 and they go back in time to save Medicaid.

  Since every corpse has to be dug up and put in front of a camera so studios can cash in on your nostalgia (what up, Jamie Lee Curtis , every…
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Britney Spears Is Ready For The 2028 OlympicsBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
Britney Spears Is Ready For The 2028 Olympics

 

Remember in 2007 when we all thought Britney Spears would be fond partially decomposed in a Cracker Barrel dumpster by now? PLOT TWIST: She’s just selling out Vegas and doing backflips at a gymnastic place. Britney still has those Serena Williams legs and ridiculously tight ass, so maybe she’ll represent USA in the 2028 Olympics. Everybody seems to be on board.

 

 

  Remember in 2007 when we all thought Britney Spears would be fond partially decomposed in a Cracker Barrel dumpster by now? PLOT TWIST: She’s just selling out Vegas and…

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This Is Halle Berry’s New Boyfriend, GuysBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
This Is Halle Berry’s New Boyfriend, Guys

 

Usually only reserved for 20-something white girls who need tracks, Halle Berry is now dating a music producer who looks like this.

Halle Berry is updating her relationship status. The actress posted a photo of herself with British music producer Alex Da Kid on Instagram Tuesday. “My balance,” she wrote alongside the pic, which Alex Da Kid also shared on his social media accounts with a similar caption. This is the duo’s first post together, but a source tells E! News that couple has been together for two months. “They have been seeing each other for about two months and met through friends in the industry,” the source tells us.

He’s 35 and still calls himself  kid, so feel free to draw your own conclusions. But Google any Halle Berry relationship and you’ll find the phrase “BITTER DIVORCE BATTLE” at least twice, mostly because Halle is crazy. Like, legit crazy. Like she might get shot at Georgia Tech crazy. But Alex looks pretty happy, so kudos to him. For now.

 

My balance

A post shared by Halle Berry (@halleberry) on

  Usually only reserved for 20-something white girls who need tracks, Halle Berry is now dating a music producer who looks like this. Halle Berry is updating her relationship status. The…

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Ryan Phillippe’s Girlfriend Says He Beat Her Up, Wants $1MBy toddSeptember 19, 2017
Ryan Phillippe’s Girlfriend Says He Beat Her Up, Wants $1M

 

Ryan Phillippe‘s girlfriend (I assume now ex-girlfriend), Elsie Hewitt, is a model or something and claims Phillippe beat her up and now wants $1M. Amber Heard has really set the gold standard for others to follow.

Ryan Phillippe’s girlfriend has just filed a lawsuit against the actor, claiming he abuses cocaine, ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms and steroids, and has beaten her badly. Elsie Hewitt claims in the lawsuit, obtained by TMZ, on July 4th, she went to pick up things from his house and she realized he was extremely drunk. She says after she tried talking with him he attacked her, grabbed her upper arm so hard it left heavy bruises and violently threw her down the stairs as hard as he could. She claims he continued his assault and picked her up like a doll and threw her down the stairs again. He then screamed, “Get the f*** out of my house you crazy c**t.” She went to the hospital, cops took a report and she got a protective order. She suffered chest wall pain, abrasions and severe bruising.  She wants more than $1 million.

PLOT TWIST

Sources connected with Ryan tell TMZ, Elsie showed up to Ryan’s house uninvited and under the influence several days after he broke up with her.  They say she was the one who attacked Ryan and refused to leave his home.  He removed her from the premises and he claims she fell and hurt herself. Sources close to Ryan say the L.A. City Attorney refused to prosecute after investigating, and they claim she’s filed this lawsuit out of revenge. We’re told Ryan’s side finds it amusing Elsie has sent glamour shots of herself to the media and is out for money and fame.

Ryan Phillippe has been around for like 30 years and this is the first time I’ve heard him doing anything like this, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. From the neck up, Elsie Hewitt is the least attractive chick he’s ever dated, and from from the next down, I guess it’s debatable (how you doin, Alexis Knapp?). I spent a lot of time on her Instagram, and it’s basically selfie, how can I show my rack in this, and how can I been arch my back into a different county to show off my version of an ass. Not sure what the psychopathy is there, but she kinda looks she’d want $1M for somebody breaking up with her.

 

  Ryan Phillippe‘s girlfriend (I assume now ex-girlfriend), Elsie Hewitt, is a model or something and claims Phillippe beat her up and now wants $1M. Amber Heard has really set…
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