Hey, Kendall Jenner Is Topless By todd July 23, 2014
Hey, Kendall Jenner Is Topless

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Kendall Jenner took her clothes off and had somebody take her picture. By the time she’s 25, we’l be able to draw her cervix from memory.

  Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Kendall Jenner took her clothes off and had somebody take her picture. By the time she’s 25, we’l be able to draw…

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Philip Seymour Hoffman Is A Dick By todd July 22, 2014
Philip Seymour Hoffman Is A Dick

 

Does Obamacare cover years of intense psychotherapy? If so, somebody let his kids know.

Philip Seymour Hoffman had amassed quite the estate after 25 years in the business and when he died tragically on Feb. 2 of a heroin overdose, he had his estate in order per his exact wishes. According to probate documents filed in New York City and obtained Monday by E! News, Hoffman had told his former accountant that he “did not want his children to be considered ‘trust fund’ kids,” and therefore left the entirety of his reported $35 million estate to his partner Mimi O’Donnell. David Friedman, who had advised Hoffman in financial matters, told attorney James H. Hill that the Capote star had told him as recently as one year before his death that his wishes had not changed as far as leaving all the money to Mimi, knowing she’d be raising their children with that money.

Sure, Philip Seymour Hoffman was a fantastic actor, but let’s be real for a minute. He didn’t die “tragically”. He died because he was a heroin junkie. That’s pretty high on the list of things that can be easily avoided. He also apparently wants to teach his kids a valuable lesson by allowing them to grow up without a father, who on the way to the grave, told them to fuck off one last time by denying them any benefits of the career that took him away from them in the first place. I feel like my extensive use of pronouns in this post makes it lose some of its power. Anyway, dick move bro.

  Does Obamacare cover years of intense psychotherapy? If so, somebody let his kids know. Philip Seymour Hoffman had amassed quite the estate after 25 years in the business and…

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Beyonce and Jay Z Are Splitting Up Probably By todd July 22, 2014
Beyonce and Jay Z Are Splitting Up Probably

 

Depending on what rumor you choose to believe, either Beyonce is pregnant or Jay Z has already gotten tired of having sex with Beyonce and she’s ready to move on to somebody who will. So basically anyone else on Earth. Page Six says its the latter.

Beyoncé and Jay Z have more than 99 problems and only “divine intervention” can save the troubled marriage, a source close to the powerful couple has told The Post. While Jay Z seemingly is the one most at fault, he’s also the one doing all in his power to keep the couple together, even hiring marriage counselors who are believed to be traveling with the super duo on their tour, the source said. “They are trying to figure out a way to split without divorcing . . . This is a huge concert tour and they’ve already gotten most of the money from the promoters up front,” the source said. Despite the tens of millions the couple will pocket from the current tour, this will certainly be their last and the end of the tour could officially spell the end of the marriage, the source said. “There are no rings, if you haven’t noticed,” the source said, admitting that he thought things would get better after the birth of the couple’s daughter, Blue Ivy Carter. “For just a split moment, things got real for them and she was even talking about adding to the family,” the source said. “But, after a while, Jay was out doing Jay and Bey was out doing Bey. They made the classic mistake of thinking a child would change everything and help to rekindle the initial fire, and it didn’t.”

Beyonce just made an entire album about boning Jay Z, then her sister Sparta kicked him in an elevator while Beyonce just stood there and did nothing, but Jay Z has probably banged Rihanna during Blu Ivy’s nap time before, so who knows exactly what’s happening here. It might be Ukranian rebels.

  Depending on what rumor you choose to believe, either Beyonce is pregnant or Jay Z has already gotten tired of having sex with Beyonce and she’s ready to move…

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Jennifer Lopez Is In A Bikini By todd July 22, 2014
Jennifer Lopez Is In A Bikini

 

Jennifer Lopez is 44 and looks like this in a bikini. So if you’re a 25 year old woman reading this and you’re feeling insecure and depressed about approaching 30 where you will be deemed aged out and gross and unsuitable for breeding, don’t be. You have 19 years to become a multi-millionaire with access to private plastic surgeons, dieticians, personal trainers, and the belief that people want to see a 44 year old woman in a bikini.

  Jennifer Lopez is 44 and looks like this in a bikini. So if you’re a 25 year old woman reading this and you’re feeling insecure and depressed about approaching…

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Miley Cyrus Is Topless In The Desert By todd July 22, 2014
Miley Cyrus Is Topless In The Desert

 

This weekend there was an Internet hoax thing that said Miley Cyrus was dead. Turns out she’s not dead, she’s just topless in the desert wearing booty shorts. I think the hoax was supposed to say her booty was dead. Get it? Because she has a flat ass. I crack myself up!

 

http://instagram.com/p/qvJU5iwzMI/?modal=true

  This weekend there was an Internet hoax thing that said Miley Cyrus was dead. Turns out she’s not dead, she’s just topless in the desert wearing booty shorts. I…

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Hey There, Katherine Webb By todd July 22, 2014

 

While Israel was blowing up children because they won’t get off their lawn, Katherine Webb was posting this bikini pic on Instagram. And I feel that this is the type of subject matter I should be covering on this site. It’s not offensive to anyone, except maybe fat girls. I understand that you don’t want to spend your hard money for the subscription fee you pay to read this site to listen to me ramble about things that upset the balance of your lie, so here’s a chick with a perfect body in a bikini. She’s also white, so that’s just an added bonus.

  While Israel was blowing up children because they won’t get off their lawn, Katherine Webb was posting this bikini pic on Instagram. And I feel that this is the…

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Casey Kasem’s Body Is Missing By todd July 21, 2014
Casey Kasem’s Body Is Missing

 

Since most humans are vile, disgusting creatures (created in God’s image), Casey Kasem’s body is reportedly missing, because he had a lot of money and people who didn’t earn it want to make sure they get it. I guess whoever has the body last wins? I’m not sure. I really don’t know the rules of this game.

The last days of legendary radio personality Casey Kasem revealed a bitter family feud, which did not end with his death. Now there are reports that his body is missing. His daughter Kerri, who founded the Kasem Cares Foundation, says her estranged stepmother won’t tell the family where her father’s remains are. A judge granted Kasem’s daughter a temporary restraining order preventing the famous radio host’s wife from cremating his remains, but it’s unclear where those remains are or whether they’ve already been disposed of. A lawyer for Kerri said Friday that when he went to give a Tacoma funeral home a copy of the restraining order, he was informed it no longer had the remains. “They said they could not disclose where he had gone or where he would end up,” said the lawyer, Scott Winship. Tim Grant, funeral director at Gaffney Funeral Home & Cremation Services, confirmed Friday that Kasem’s body was no longer there. “I cannot discuss the actual arrangements themselves, but he’s no longer in our care,” he said.

This is a sad situation, and it’s really too depressing to get into, so I’ll just remember Casey Kasem as the first pothead my mom allowed into our house.

 

  Since most humans are vile, disgusting creatures (created in God’s image), Casey Kasem’s body is reportedly missing, because he had a lot of money and people who didn’t earn…
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Selena Gomez Has Thoughts On The Israel/Palestine Thing By todd July 21, 2014
Selena Gomez Has Thoughts On The Israel/Palestine Thing

 

When your misinformed political opinion clashes with another person’s misinformed political opinion,  shit gets real on social media. So you can understand when Selena Gomez asked for prayers for all of humanity, including Gaza,  that people who believe they know what God thinks had to set her ass straight. (Also, God doesn’t exist).

After Selena Gomez‘s Instagram feed became rife with comments debating about the humanity of Israel’s attacks on Gaza, the singer posted a follow-up photo to let her fans know what she’s really thinking. “And of course to be clear, I am not picking any sides. I am praying for peace and humanity for all!” she captioned a photo of a serene seaside sunset. Gomez’s original Instagram post with “Pray For Gaza” polarized some of her fans, who threatened to unfollow her for seemingly supporting Gaza’s side. 

OMG, you guys! ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO EXIST!! I guess where they’re at is the best place they could find, because they get chased out of every other place they try to live. Except, of course, Hollywood. Israel is basically if the Pilgrims set up Jamestown then didn’t get any further then spent the next 70 years wondering why everyone who was already there wanted to kill them. But as usual, God’s plan is for Israel to have squatter’s rights and to ignore notices from their landlord because of some Biblical Stand Your Ground bullshit. Yes, shooting missiles over a wall because you think you deserve to live in a place that belongs to somebody else sounds pretty much in keeping with what the Bible says. And that really is faith in action. Shooting missiles and what not.  The Bible is cool, because you can interpret what is says either literally or symbolically depending on what narrative you’re trying to push. But just know, that when I come to your house, walk around it seven times, then say it’s mine because God told me I could live there, you’re gonna have to pack your shit and move out, because it’s God’s plan. You can’t argue with God’s plan, you guys.

 

  When your misinformed political opinion clashes with another person’s misinformed political opinion,  shit gets real on social media. So you can understand when Selena Gomez asked for prayers for…

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Hey, Kim Kardashian Took Another Picture Of Her Butt By todd July 21, 2014
Hey, Kim Kardashian Took Another Picture Of Her Butt

 

You’re not gonna believe this, but Kim Kardashian took a picture of her ass while “working out”. And by “working out” I mean she put on workout clothes, walked in the gym, took a pic, sent it over to LucasFilm for post-production, posted it to Instagram, then went to Buffalo Wild Wings.

  You’re not gonna believe this, but Kim Kardashian took a picture of her ass while “working out”. And by “working out” I mean she put on workout clothes, walked…

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Megan Fox Looked Like This At The Kid’s Choice Awards By todd July 21, 2014

 If the four pages of pictures of Megan Fox at the Kid’s Choice Awards are any indication, this piece of ass is incapable of taking a bad picture. I know what you’re saying. “But, Todd. What about her thumbs?”. A good test to see if you’re gay or not is to say that out loud to anybody standing near you while showing them these pictures. Don’t be surprised if Bryan Singer pokes you on Facebook and asks if you wanna see his hot tub, you know, because you’re obviously really gay.

 If the four pages of pictures of Megan Fox at the Kid’s Choice Awards are any indication, this piece of ass is incapable of taking a bad picture. I know…

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