Russell Brand Divorced Katy Perry Over Text

Russell Brand and Katy Perry UK film premiere of 'Arthur' held at the O2

 

Katy Perry just got her first Vogue cover and in addtion to getting her picture taken, she said some words. Here are a few of those words.

“He’s a very smart man, a magical man and I was in love with him when I married him. “Let's just say I haven't heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011."

So, how insufferable and annoying do you have to be for your husband to send you a text saying "we're getting divorced lol" then never make contact with you again? I don't know the scientific measurement for that, but I assume it's pretty high.

 

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Says Good Afternoon

I realize most of you will tell me that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley isn't a "real woman" and that she "needs to eat a hamburger", but here's some pictures of her hot ass in this dress anyway. Because as logic would dictate, "real women" have vaginas. Curves are pretty much optional. A good way to tell if you'll be mad at that last sentence is if a man has to lift with his legs when he picks you up. Glad we could clear this up!

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Here’s The Most Terrible Thing You Will See All Day

 

The movie version of American Psycho is the Disney version of the book, and this American Psycho-inspired Yeezus promo starring Scott Disick as Patrick Bateman is Kris Jenner version of the movie meaning it's more horrific and painfully awkward than anything Patrick Bateman hasever done. Holy shit this is terrible. You get the feeling that Scott Disick has never acted on camera before.

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Sarah Hyland Is Not A Model Like Amanda Bynes

If Twitter has taught us anything, its that if you question Amanda Bynes in any way, you're ugly. Plain and simple. You're not a model like her, so why should she listen to your opinion? Stop being so ugly.  She doesn't talk to ugly people because they're ugly. However, she did get in a Twitter war (aren't those cute?) with the boyfriend of Modern Family actress Sarah Hyland. Here's the exchange. Try to guess who is who:

"look in a mirror… Stop getting work done. Save what's left.

"your girlfriend has an ugly face like you." 

"We were fans of yours.".."and my girl is more successful than you ever will be enjoy the long road downhill disgusting crack head. "It's sad @AmandaBynes was a child actress who kids looked up to. Now she's just a lost soul in a plastic face. #gethelp"

"I like her ugly face!" "She isn't as pretty as me! You need to put up two comparable professional photos! She's not a model I am!!!"

To her credit, Sarah Hyland has a sense of humor about the whole thing, even though she's dating a troll and she's ugly Ugly girls need to have a sense of humor (Lindy West being the exception).

"So me and @mattpro13 have officially made it. @AmandaBynes called us ugly! #blessed"

Amanda Bynes calling you ugly is the new WBC protesting your funeral. It means you probably said or did something right for once. Why don'tyou guys do something right? What's the matter with you?! God, you're all such disappointments.

 

[Source = E! Online]

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Here’s Your New Miss USA, Links

Courtney Stodden See Through Leaving Plastic Surgeon (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Roberto Cavalli Is Still Awesome [The Superficial]

Kate Upton Looking All Kinds Of Uber Hot And Busty In Actual Modeling Work [Popoholic]

Joanna Krupa Knows How To Dress [Hollywood Tuna]

Melissa Etheridge Doesn’t Think St. Angie’s Double Mastectomy Was Very Brave [Dlisted]

"Shes got a very masculine forehead" (NSFW) [MyEx]

Sofia Vergara posted a picture of her booty from a pretty amazing angle (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Vanity Fair might be about to destroy Gwyneth Paltrow [Lainey Gossip]

Nigella Lawson’s husband choked her in public & there are photos [Celebitchy]

Jason Statham & Rosie Huntington-Whiteley @ ‘Hummingbird’ Premiere [Moe Jackson]

Someone cast Taylor Lautner in a non-Twilight film [Film Drunk]

It's Serena Williams in a bikini [Celebslam]

22 signs you’re getting old [COED Magazine]

Jennifer Lopez Will Star in a Film About Those Chilean Miners [The Blemish]

Britney’s New Song Sounds A Lot Like Madonna’s Old One [Evil Beet Gossip]

Watch The First Teaser Trailer For HBO’s ‘True Detectives’ [Crave Online]

Kris Jenner is already milking Kim Kardashian’s baby [Popbytes]

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Miss Utah Crushed It Last Night, You Guys

Let's go ahead get this out of the way, pageants serve no purpose. If you need money to go to college and you have to get in a bikini to do it, just work at Hooters. You'll make more. Any way Miss USA 2013 was last night, and after Miss Utah Marissa Powell starved herself and put vaseline on her teeth and tape on her butt, the world wanted to know what this aspiring model and actress thought about income equality. Her solution? That we need to "create education better". I honestly hope you weren't expecting anything different. The good thing is that she's hot, so she'll never have to worry about why her paycheck is less mine because her future husband will probably have a yacht and hunt endangered species.

 

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Jay-Z Announced His New Album, ‘Magna Carta Holy Grail’, With A Samsung Commercial

 

While Kanye West is rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun and a black AMEX card to tell everybody that anti-consumerism is evil on his album, Jay-Z said fuck it and let Samsung stick the tip in by announcing his new album with a Samsung Commercial. The album, of course, is called Magna Carta Holy Grail. Man, I can't wait for his next albums, Louisiana Purchase Deluge Tablet and Brown Vs. Board Of Education Necronomicon. Or whatever two random historical things he decides to place beside each other. Should be dope.

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Taylor Swift Wore This To The Munch Music Festival

Taylor Swift looks like a Chinese transvestite with the body of somebody in a forced labor camp, and by all reports and reality that you can see and read, her vagina is a cold, desolate vaccuum of need and want that only poses as a real vagina to suck boyfriends in so she can give them her wedding vows made out of macaroni art and buy a house next to them after two weeks. That was probably a run-on sentence. Another fact? So help me Yeezus I would hit it. You know in alien movies when aliens invade a person's body and controls all their thoughts and actions and the person is powerless to resist? Yeah, That's what it's like having a penis. It makes you shake your fist in two ways.

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Baby Yeezus Is Here

Kim Kardashian Kanye West Daughter Birth

 

Since the Bible taught us that abstitence is only 99.9% effective, Yeezus decided to play it safe and have sex with mortal Hasn't-Been-A-Virgin-Since-She-Was-14 MaryKim Kardashian and not pull out. The result was a female child born Saturday at Cedar-Sinai Medical Center. Mother and publicity stunt/future ratings peak are said to be resting comfortably. I assume this information was released after Kris Jenner screamed,"COME TO ME MY CHILD LET YOUR BLOOD NOURISH ME!" then drank the cord blood. The Kardashian's PR firm reports:

E! News has learned the baby girl is definitely a Kardashian Mini Me. "She has dark hair," our source says. "She looks just like Kim."...There's no official word yet on the baby's name, but sources tell E! News Kim told friends and family in the weeks leading up to the birth that the name "will start with a K."

Ok, I'm not a geneticist, but maybe if the baby had blonde hair that would be news. And can we elaborate how the baby "looks just like Kim" when it's two days old? Is it because it came out covered in piss? Is it because Khloe put too much tanner on it? Did it have plastic surgery at 30 weeks? Somebody needs to explain this to me. And, I'm trying to faint from the shock that this thing's name is gonna start with a 'K'. Kanye wants the greatest hashtag of all time, so they'll probably name it "Kony".

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