The 2017 Maxim Halloween PartyBy toddOctober 23, 2017
The 2017 Maxim Halloween Party

 

Maxim had their annual Halloween party last night, and I won’t pretend to know who any of these people are besides Lindsey Pelas and Emily Sears. I think another one might be that Real Housewife who has the vagina that everyone says smells like a rotting corpse. So I guess her just showing up fit thematically.

 

  Maxim had their annual Halloween party last night, and I won’t pretend to know who any of these people are besides Lindsey Pelas and Emily Sears. I think another…

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‘Stranger Things 2’ Has A PosterBy toddOctober 23, 2017
‘Stranger Things 2’ Has A Poster

 

Stranger Things is more 80s movie nostalgia than 80’s nostalgia, and now it’s blatantly shown in the new poster. But goddamn if it isn’t fantastic. Stranger Things 2 drops on October 27, and I plan to kill it all in one day. Also, DC and everybody else (but especially DC) needs to hire whoever made this trailer to do all their trailers. At least DC could release something that’s good.

 

  Stranger Things is more 80s movie nostalgia than 80’s nostalgia, and now it’s blatantly shown in the new poster. But goddamn if it isn’t fantastic. Stranger Things 2 drops…
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Harvey Weinstein Is Cured NowBy toddOctober 23, 2017
Harvey Weinstein Is Cured Now

 

If I got paid by the word, I’d list all the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment/assault, but it looks like all this is behind us now since Weinstein is cured and will never do it again.

Harvey Weinstein is leaving Arizona Saturday after completing a one-week program treating various psychological issues, and Weinstein’s psychologist tells TMZ the fallen mogul took it seriously…The psychologist says Weinstein’s program lasted 1 week, and involved “intensive therapy” on an outpatient basis.  The psychologist says he helped Weinstein focus on “dealing with his anger, his attitude toward others, boundary work and the beginnings of work on empathy.” He says Weinstein was “invested in the program.”

Yes. If there’s anything that will cure 30+ years of sexual predatory behavior, it’s spending a week in an outpatient facility talking to a psychologist. We all know this. Weinstein’s reps must have known this as well, because this happened:

A Weinstein rep just called to say the plan has now changed. Weinstein will stay in Arizona for another month or so because he doesn’t want excessive distractions and wants to continue working with his doctors. The outpatient program which Weinstein entered still ends Saturday.

Wow, “another month or so” doesn’t sound like any type of PR bandage wrap but rather a sincere effort to stop raping and jerking off in front of women who want to be in Clerks 3. Good job, Harvey. Proud of you bro!

  If I got paid by the word, I’d list all the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment/assault, but it looks like all this is behind us…

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A Model Accused David Blaine Of RapeBy toddOctober 20, 2017
A Model Accused David Blaine Of Rape

 

I was gonna type “former model”, but that would’ve left the word “model” on a line by itself. Peet peeve of mine. Anyway, it’s 2017, so we’ll all know whatever dude who has done the raping. This time it’s David Blaine and the victim is former model Natasha Prince, who claims Blaine “raped her at a private home in London’s Chelsea neighborhood in the summer of 2004.”

“Officers from the Met’s Child Abuse and Sexual Offences Command are investigating an allegation of rape,” Scotland Yard said in a statement to The Daily Beast. “The allegation was reported to police on 17 November 2016 by a woman who alleged she was raped at an address in Chelsea in June or July 2004 when she was aged 21. There have been no arrests at this stage and enquiries continue.”

Obviously, nobody accused of rape says, “Oh yeah, that was me. My bad.”

“My client vehemently denies that he raped or sexually assaulted any woman, ever, and he specifically denies raping a woman in 2004,” the statement said. (“This would include Natasha Prince,” Singer said in an additional statement.) “If, in fact, there is any police investigation, my client will fully cooperate because he has nothing to hide.”

Hopefully David Blaine doesn’t convince Scotland Yard this was some kind of elaborate magic trick. If not, he might have to jump in the ocean and see if he can break his whole holding his breath underwater record thing.

 

  I was gonna type “former model”, but that would’ve left the word “model” on a line by itself. Peet peeve of mine. Anyway, it’s 2017, so we’ll all know…

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Playboy’s Miss November 2017 Is Transgender. Brilliant Marketing, Guys.By toddOctober 20, 2017
Playboy’s Miss November 2017 Is Transgender. Brilliant Marketing, Guys.

 

When Hugh Hefner died, Playboy had to read all the social media posts about how he subjugated women and was a creepy misogynist who deserved to rot in hell, so they knew the only way for liberals to like his magazine again would be to either make Hillary Clinton or a trans woman a Playmate. They chose the trans woman, because she at least looks the part. Her name is Ines Rau. She tells Playboy:

“Being a woman doesn’t mean being extremely feminine all the time,” she declares, her voice a seductive Parisian rasp. “Being a woman is just being a woman.”

I guess that’s one way to say it. Social media tells me since I’m a man, I’m dumb and inherently evil and perpetuating the systematic oppression of women in my spare time, but before the revolution starts after fall season, I’d like to ask a legit question. How does trans women taking over spots in things specifically allocated for women work with feminism? Like, I understand trans women are women, but I mean women who weren’t born named “Keith” (this is not Ines’ real name). Are you cool with that? Say, if the first woman President was born with a penis would we all be expected to celebrate her breaking that glass ceiling or would that come with an asterisk? How many think pieces will their be? I’m genuinely curious. Either or is fine with me. We’ve had like 45 men Presidents so far, so my base has been fully covered.

  When Hugh Hefner died, Playboy had to read all the social media posts about how he subjugated women and was a creepy misogynist who deserved to rot in hell, so they…

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Hey, What’s Bella Thorne Up To? Oh Yeah.By toddOctober 20, 2017
Hey, What’s Bella Thorne Up To? Oh Yeah.

 

In the span of three days, Bella Thorne went topless on Instagram then basically went topless on Instagram again holding a Coke. She just wants to be loved, you guys. Why can’t you see this?

 

A post shared by BELLA (@bellathorne) on

A post shared by BELLA (@bellathorne) on

A post shared by BELLA (@bellathorne) on

  In the span of three days, Bella Thorne went topless on Instagram then basically went topless on Instagram again holding a Coke. She just wants to be loved, you…

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Taylor Swift Dropped ‘Gorgeous’By toddOctober 20, 2017
Taylor Swift Dropped ‘Gorgeous’

 

Taylor Swift dropped the third single off her album Reputation at midnight. It’s called “Gorgeous“. You’re gonna be blown away by this, but it’s Swift’s 47,953th song about a man. But which type of Taylor Swift Song About A Man is it you might ask? Is it the Man Who Is Completely Idealized But Bad For Her? Is it the Man Who Can’t Handle Her? Is it the Man Who Ruined Her Life? Is it the Man Who Said Something Nice To Her Once Then She Thought They Were Dating But He Didn’t Know And He’s Horrible For That? I think that mostly covers the Taylor Swift Song About A Man template. I’ll let let you decide.

 

Anyway, here’s some of the lyrics: “Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you wanna come along.”  I wouldn’t do it, man. Tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don’t…don’t come in here. Whatever you hear, stay away! John Doe has the upper hand!

 

  Taylor Swift dropped the third single off her album Reputation at midnight. It’s called “Gorgeous“. You’re gonna be blown away by this, but it’s Swift’s 47,953th song about a…

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McKayla Maroney Says The U.S. Team Doctor Molested Her From Day 1By toddOctober 19, 2017
McKayla Maroney Says The U.S. Team Doctor Molested Her From Day 1

 

Inspired by the women who came out horrific Harvey Weinstein stories, McKayla Maroney came out with a horrific story about Dr. Larry Nassar, the team doctor for the U.S. Women’s National Gymnastic Team. And holy shit.

(more…)

  Inspired by the women who came out horrific Harvey Weinstein stories, McKayla Maroney came out with a horrific story about Dr. Larry Nassar, the team doctor for the U.S….

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‘Justice League’ Has A New PosterBy toddOctober 19, 2017
‘Justice League’ Has A New Poster

 

We have a little less than a month before Justice League is hits theaters because they’d rather drop it on a random day in November than compete with Star Wars: The Last Jedi. I hope this CGI dumpster fire makes it’s budget back before December 15. You already know it’s gonna be a damn mess, because as we’ve seen with the other three DCEU movies, they have no idea what they’re doing. Just take the poster. This will be the first live-action movie of the Justice League ever and Superman isn’t even on the poster. Fucking superman. But Black Terminator is. And Batman looks like a dude at Comic Con. It looks like the studio saw the final cut then decided to cut off the marketing budget. Hopefully Superman really is dead so he won’t have to be involved in this.

 

  We have a little less than a month before Justice League is hits theaters because they’d rather drop it on a random day in November than compete with Star Wars:…

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Michael Fassbender & Alicia Vikander Got Secret Married In IbizaBy toddOctober 18, 2017
Michael Fassbender & Alicia Vikander Got Secret Married In Ibiza

 

Michael Fassbender (Magneto, slave owner) and Alicia Vikander (robot lady, Lara Croft) got married in  secret ceremony. I didn’t even know they were dating. Haha, I look like an idiot!

The happy couple got married over the weekend in Ibiza, sources confirmed to PEOPLE.  The pair exchanged vows at the luxurious La Granja farmstead resort surrounded by friends and family, according to the sources. In photos on the Daily Mail, both Vikander, 29, and Fassbender, 40, sported bands on their ring fingers on Sunday. Ahead of the ceremony, Fassbender and Vikander were spotted hanging out with friends and family on the Spanish island Friday, with the Swedish actress wearing a white, summery gown with matching heart sunglasses. Meanwhile, the Irish-German actor showed off his abs in an unbuttoned shirt and a pair of shorts.

Fassbender reportedly has like a 5 pound penis and Vikander looks like she’d be into that. She’s got that look. Congrats to the happy couple.

 

  Michael Fassbender (Magneto, slave owner) and Alicia Vikander (robot lady, Lara Croft) got married in  secret ceremony. I didn’t even know they were dating. Haha, I look like an…

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