Emily Ratajkowski Is Doing Naked Stuff Again, Because Why Not?By toddFebruary 23, 2018

A post shared by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on

 

You’re not going to believe this, and I had a hard time believing it myself, but Emily Ratajkowksi got naked for something. This time it was Vanity Fair. This is very empowering to me. I was going to write more, but I’m on social media and I see we’ve literally gone from “the increasingly militarized police are brutally killing POC at will” to “only police should have military weapons” in a matter of two months. I don’t know about you, but as a brown man in America, I’m ready for this utopia!

 

A post shared by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on Feb 20, 2018 at 1:07pm PST   You’re not going to believe this, and I had a hard time believing it myself,…

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Somebody Sent Meghan Markle And Her Fiancé Some Fake AnthraxBy toddFebruary 22, 2018
Somebody Sent Meghan Markle And Her Fiancé Some Fake Anthrax



Meghan Markle isn’t allowed to be killed until she decides to leave Prince Harry, so this was pretty scary. Yahoo News! reports:

Scotland Yard is investigating after a letter containing white powder purporting to be anthrax was sent to Meghan Markle at Kensington Palace. The letter, addressed to her and fiancé Prince Harry and understood to contain a racist message, led to a security scare, with specialists rushed in to check the powder. Measures already in place meant the package was intercepted before it reached the couple. Meghan, 36, and Harry, 33, are understood to have been informed. Officers from the Metropolitan Police’s counter-terrorism command were called in after the letter was received on February 12. It was delivered to St James’s Palace for sorting. Analysis of the powder found it was harmless.

Look, guys. We can’t be doing this during Black History Month. Meghan Markle is also super hot and has done some amazing things socially, so we don’t need her to die. I don’t know a lot about Prince Harry except his grandma wears a ton of stolen jewels from Africa and is like maybe immortal.

 

Meghan Markle isn’t allowed to be killed until she decides to leave Prince Harry, so this was pretty scary. Yahoo News! reports: Scotland Yard is investigating after a letter containing…

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Natalie Portman Is Very Sorry About Signing That Roman Polanski PetitionBy toddFebruary 21, 2018
Natalie Portman Is Very Sorry About Signing That Roman Polanski Petition

 

A white woman named Kate wrote an article for BuzzFeed called, “Natalie Portman Is The Woke Actor We Need Right Now,” and I assume Kate still tweets that Hillary Clinton is the rightful President everyday and posted about Black Panther is now her favorite movie. In the article, buried way down at the bottom, she was asked about the infamous Roman Polanski Petition, where over 100 Hollywood industry people asked Switzerland to release the director after they arrested him on a warrant for raping an underage girl in 1977.

In case you forgot, this was included in the petition:

“We demand the immediate release of Roman Polanski,” urges the petition. “Film-makers in France, in Europe, in the United States and around the world are dismayed by this decision… It seems inadmissible to them that an international cultural event, paying homage to one of the greatest contemporary film-makers, is used by police to apprehend him.”

Pretty fucking gross, right? Natalie Portman would like you to know she didn’t really read it and it was a  mistake.

I very much regret it. I take responsibility for not thinking about it enough. Someone I respected gave it to me, and said, “I signed this. Will you too?” And I was like, sure. It was a mistake. The thing I feel like I gained from it is empathy towards people who have made mistakes. We lived in a different world, and that doesn’t excuse anything. But you can have your eyes opened and completely change the way you want to live. My eyes were not open.

Right, a mistake you made in 2009 that you just want people to know was mistake because you’re woke now or whatever. Sure, okay.

 

  A white woman named Kate wrote an article for BuzzFeed called, “Natalie Portman Is The Woke Actor We Need Right Now,” and I assume Kate still tweets that Hillary…

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Lindsay Lohan Is Playing A Werewolf In A Movie, GuysBy toddFebruary 21, 2018
Lindsay Lohan Is Playing A Werewolf In A Movie, Guys

 

Lindsay Lohan is apparently a Muslim now, but there’s nothing in the Quran that says you can’t star in generically titled, dumped-to-Netflix movie if you so choose. So here’s The Shadow Within. A movie where Lindsay Lohan plays a private detective who is also a werewolf. Not sure which one of those is more believable. Per Bloody Disgusting:

Here’s the official synopsis: “In a world where supernatural creatures roam amongst us, Kristy Wolfe (Beckett), a tough private investigator, tries desperately to keep her secret hidden. She has descended from a long line of werewolves. When her uncle is brutally murdered, Wolfe must use her natural instinct and risk her secret to unravel the mystery before she becomes the next victim.

“Kristy Wolfe.” Do you get it? Her last name if Wolfe because she’s a werewolf and “Kristy Werewolf” would be too on the nose and people might realize she’s a werewolf. They should have named the character Kristy Definitely-Not A Werewolf to throw people off. And a hyphenated last name would have been more about female empowerment.

 

  Lindsay Lohan is apparently a Muslim now, but there’s nothing in the Quran that says you can’t star in generically titled, dumped-to-Netflix movie if you so choose. So here’s…

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‘Justice League’ Has An Honest TrailerBy toddFebruary 21, 2018
‘Justice League’ Has An Honest Trailer

 

You knew it was coming. The Justice League Honest Trailer is here and its just a lot of stuff that people who don’t have a picture of Zack Snyder as their lock screen already know. This movie was fucking terrible. And in this political landscape, if you thought this movie was a masterpiece, you shouldn’t be able to buy a gun legally. Those teens need to make sure they mention this during their walkout or whatever they’re doing that won’t stop America from being a population of mass psychosis.

 

  You knew it was coming. The Justice League Honest Trailer is here and its just a lot of stuff that people who don’t have a picture of Zack Snyder…
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Fergie Is Sorry For Her National AnthemBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Fergie Is Sorry For Her National Anthem

 

If told me that in 2018 a person who didn’t work in the White House would bring shame and embarrassment to America, I wouldn’t have believed you. Now that we know it was Fergie, it kinda makes sense in retrospect. Anyway, her National Anthem performance was so bad, she had to release a statement to TMZ.

 “I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA. I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.

Like, did you though? If this was your best, maybe decline the offer and let a cat being strangled give it a shot.

 

  If told me that in 2018 a person who didn’t work in the White House would bring shame and embarrassment to America, I wouldn’t have believed you. Now that…

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Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ PhotocallBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Jennifer Lawrence Did The ‘Red Sparrow’ Photocall

 

According to Mueller, we’re pretty much all Russian bots now because we mostly get our news from memes, so I’m not sure if a movie glamorizing the effectiveness of a Russian spy is what Hollywood needs to be sending out into the world right now, but here we are. Jennifer Lawrence attended the Red Sparrow photocall with her boobs out to distract us from the fact that she’s a Russian spy in the movie. She really has a career in politics.

 

  According to Mueller, we’re pretty much all Russian bots now because we mostly get our news from memes, so I’m not sure if a movie glamorizing the effectiveness of…

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Hello, Christina AguileraBy toddFebruary 20, 2018
Hello, Christina Aguilera

 

It’s easy to forget to how hot Christina Aguilera was before the Latin genes and having a bunch of kids caught up to her, but she wants to remind you in Instagram with a few pics in black and white that she took in very low lighting with several filters. You know, much like your Instagram pics. The rack still looks great and what an amazing bathtub. Very decadent.

 

A post shared by Christina Aguilera (@xtina) on

  It’s easy to forget to how hot Christina Aguilera was before the Latin genes and having a bunch of kids caught up to her, but she wants to remind…

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Chadwick Boseman Covers ‘Rolling Stone’By toddFebruary 19, 2018
Chadwick Boseman Covers ‘Rolling Stone’

 

Black Panther is making all the money right now and Disney has pledged to take 25% of the profits to help the black community. Haha jk, Disney is going to keep all of it because they are a soulless media conglomerate. Wakanda profits forever. But Chadwick Boseman and director Ryan Coogler are profiled (in a good way) in the latest issue of Rolling Stone, and that’s really great. You should also see the movie, because it’s also pretty great except the CGI.

 

  Black Panther is making all the money right now and Disney has pledged to take 25% of the profits to help the black community. Haha jk, Disney is going…

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Russia Hacked Fergie’s VoiceBy toddFebruary 19, 2018
Russia Hacked Fergie’s Voice

 

Man, what a wild Black History Month it’s been so far.  The 2018 NBA All-Star Game was last night and Fergie paid tribute to famous black singer Jessica Rabbit with her stunning rendition of the National Anthem. After performing, Fergie immediately fled the country and is now seeking asylum at the Embassy of Ecuador in London. My sources haven’t confirmed this yet, but she probably also deleted her Twitter.

 

  Man, what a wild Black History Month it’s been so far.  The 2018 NBA All-Star Game was last night and Fergie paid tribute to famous black singer Jessica Rabbit…

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