Here’s One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson With A Pile Of Weed By todd April 24, 2015
Here’s One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson With A Pile Of Weed

The Daily Mail wants you to believe that this is pretty shocking, but these pictures of One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson rolling up some weed in a London Soho hotel room with five chicks (more pics at the source), seems like a normal weeknight for a 23-year old member of a internationally popular boy band with an endless supply of money and pussy. This is basically like a normal dude watching Netflix and preparing for his fantasy draft. Also, everybody you know smokes weed or has smoked weed or will smoke weed. This might as well be a snapchat of Tomlinson putting together IKEA furniture. I’m just glad that I’m not 23 and in a boy band right now. Because the snapchat would include at least one dead groupie with a monkey on her shoulder. And the monkey would have shades on. Because a monkey with shades on is something I’d like to talk to if I was high.

The Daily Mail wants you to believe that this is pretty shocking, but these pictures of One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson rolling up some weed in a London Soho hotel room…

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Taylor Swift Wants You To Stop Humiliating Her By todd April 24, 2015
Taylor Swift Wants You To Stop Humiliating Her

Taylor Swift dates a lot. We get that. That’s kinda her thing. She needs to date to write lyrics for albums so she can sell them and make millions, then when it’s time for a new album she dates again to put her most recent ex on blast. Remember that time she bought a house across the street from the Kennedy’s after dating the high school junior Kennedy for two months? That was weird. Anyway, she thinks when we talk about that it’s “public humiliation”. Sure. Let’s roll with that.

“I think the media has sent me a really unfair message over the past couple of years, which is that I’m not allowed to date for excitement, or fun, or new experiences or learning lessons,” Swift told the magazine. “I’m only allowed to date if it’s for a lasting, multiple-year relationship. Otherwise I’m a, quote, ‘serial dater.’ Or, quote, ‘boy crazy.’ The narrative has been so wrong, every time it was the same. It’s ‘Taylor spotted talking to this guy, she’s chasing him.’ They create a beginning to the story that didn’t happen most of the time, so then they have to create an ending.”  Maintaining a relationship is not easy for the 25-year-old, who is currently rumored to be dating Calvin Harris.  “[T]here is no easy way for me to engage with romance. I’m really busy, so I can’t. And it’s a good thing that I feel really independent and I feel that my friends are all I need. It’s kind of a sad way I got there, though, being shamed into it,” she said. Adding: “Well, what else is it when you have two boyfriends in one year and everyone’s calling you boy crazy, making jokes about you at awards shows? That’s public humiliation. And I don’t think it’s fair.”

It’s really not anyone’s place to say who or when Taylor Swift can date someone, including her cat, but if every track on your albums is one big subtweet, then we might mention that once or twice. If you were bitten by a werewolf then transformed into a monster with an insatiable hunger during the next full moon, then we’d of course mention that as well. I guess what I’m saying is give up something else to talk about maybe? You’re pretty tall, so you’d be a pretty scary werewolf. I don’t know how much the average person grows during the werewolf transformation, but I’d put you over at least 6’9″. That would be pretty impressive. Especially with NBA scouts if you can demonstrate off ball defensive skills. You’d be a mid-first round pick for sure.

Taylor Swift dates a lot. We get that. That’s kinda her thing. She needs to date to write lyrics for albums so she can sell them and make millions, then…

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Ariana Grande Paid For Most Of Her And Big Sean’s Dates By todd April 24, 2015

When I heard Ariana Grande and Big Sean broke up the skies parted and a beam of light came down from heaven. Oops. sorry. Heaven doesn’t exist. It was just noon and my windows were open. But why did they break up? Because Big Sean wrote a song about her vagina and said he spent a lot of money on her when in reality she paid for everything. Oooh, stand in line, ladies!

Sources connected with Ariana tell us … the last straw was when Sean dropped his track, “Stay Down,” in which he raps:

I ain’t even gonna lie, I got a million dollar chick
With a billion dollar p****y
Every time I c*m, I swear to God I feel like I be rich

We’re told Ariana felt humiliated because Sean was treating her like a piece of meat. Ariana’s grandmother came to her and asked about the lyrics, which was especially embarrassing. But there was plenty of tension leading up to the song. Sean claims she made him pay for all sorts of extravagances. But our Ariana sources say SHE is the one who foot most of the bills, including vacations and private flights.

Look, if your girlfriend is bringing the looks, the vagina, and the money to the relationship, it’s not gonna last very long. You have to bring something to the table other than putting a price on her vagina and going to the bathroom when the check comes. Maybe learn party magic tricks or another language. Learn to pair wines with dinner. Kill a homeless man and give her his heart in a gift bag with some diamonds to show your love. Women love grand gestures like that.

When I heard Ariana Grande and Big Sean broke up the skies parted and a beam of light came down from heaven. Oops. sorry. Heaven doesn’t exist. It was just…

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Lindsey Pelas Has Video Evidence Her Boobs Are Real By todd April 23, 2015

Women think if another woman’s boobs are bigger or if men talk about another woman’s boobs then those boobs are obviously fake, so Lindsey Pelas would like you to know her’s are real. So very, very real.

Some people still claim my boobs are fake… CLICK the LINK in my bio and I’ll prove otherwise

A video posted by lindsey (@lindseypelas) on

Women think if another woman’s boobs are bigger or if men talk about another woman’s boobs then those boobs are obviously fake, so Lindsey Pelas would like you to know…

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Bradley Cooper Is Banging Irina Shayk Maybe By todd April 23, 2015

BREAKING: TWO ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE MIGHT BE HAVING SEX

Bradley Cooper has been spotted on a Broadway date with top model Irina Shayk. The “American Sniper” star was seen in the audience at “Finding Neverland,” starring Matthew Morrison, with Russian beauty Shayk on Wednesday night. Sources tell us Cooper and Shayk have known each other for a while through mutual friends, and have been “hanging out” for the past week. Our source added “[it is] a friendly relationship — for the time being.”

Irina Shayk is 29, so Bradley Cooper probably just met with her to see if she has a daughter who is single and needs to be picked up at daycare, so we probably shouldn’t read too much into this. lol bc he’s last girlfriend was 23 and he’s 40 and single women in their 30s like to bring that up.

BREAKING: TWO ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE MIGHT BE HAVING SEX Bradley Cooper has been spotted on a Broadway date with top model Irina Shayk. The “American Sniper” star was seen in the…

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The Khaleesi’s Body Double On ‘Game Of Thrones’ Looks Like This By todd April 23, 2015

Full disclosure: I’ve never watched Game Of Thrones until I finished S1 last night, because my girlfriend is a big fan, so she forced me. Full disclosure again: I’m obsessed.  Jon Snow is my homey and I wish Prince Joffrey gets pulled apart by horses then set on fire then fed to one of those wolf things then the wolf takes a shit and we bury the shit in a swamp. I know, pretend that sentence is from 2010. Anyway, Mike let all of know that a Emilia Clarke body double exists and this is what she looks like. Her name is Holly mac. She’s 18. She looks like Megan Fox and Emilia Clarke banged in a place where it was all female then Jeff Goldblum said “life finds a way” during the delivery. I would type more buy my penis is writing her a letter on black construction paper.

Full disclosure: I’ve never watched Game Of Thrones until I finished S1 last night, because my girlfriend is a big fan, so she forced me. Full disclosure again: I’m obsessed. …

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Kim Kardashian Celebrated Earth Day By todd April 23, 2015
Kim Kardashian Celebrated Earth Day

Like any decent narcissist, Kim Kardashian found a way to make Earth Day about her by putting on a bikini and posing in front of stuff that kinda resembles Earth. It’s unclear if these plants died of shame or not, but I can’t until Fire Prevention Week when she takes a selfie at Benihana.

Like any decent narcissist, Kim Kardashian found a way to make Earth Day about her by putting on a bikini and posing in front of stuff that kinda resembles Earth….

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Lindsay Lohan Speaks Fluent Arabic By todd April 22, 2015
Lindsay Lohan Speaks Fluent Arabic

You’d think as much time as Lindsay Lohan gets discreetly flown to Saudi Arabia to lie on a tarp in a mansion basement that she would have learned basic conversational Arabic by now, but she thought this said “You’re Beautiful”, and she’s probably never heard that spoken before. It actually means “You’re An Ass”, so you can never say Saudis don’t have a sense of humor.

You’d think as much time as Lindsay Lohan gets discreetly flown to Saudi Arabia to lie on a tarp in a mansion basement that she would have learned basic conversational…

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Kelly Brook Wore This To Coachella By todd April 22, 2015

I thought I was done with celebrities pretending to be free spirit hippies documenting how free spirit and hippie they are with their smartphones at a corporate-sponsored music festival, but Kelly Brook wore this to Coachella, and her gigantic breasts told me I had to post about it again. Actually they told my penis. I was asleep and didn’t even know this happened. My penis usually just adds things to my calendar that he wants me to address.

I thought I was done with celebrities pretending to be free spirit hippies documenting how free spirit and hippie they are with their smartphones at a corporate-sponsored music festival, but…

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Nice Hair, Scarlett By todd April 22, 2015

The UK premiere of Avengers: Age Of Ultron was yesterday, and this is what Scarlett Johansson‘s hair looks like now. Remember when she was hot and didn’t look like the keyboard player in an 80s band or anybody in Decatur who has really strong opinions about organic tea?

The UK premiere of Avengers: Age Of Ultron was yesterday, and this is what Scarlett Johansson‘s hair looks like now. Remember when she was hot and didn’t look like the…

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